With the vision in my brain, And the music in my veins

I have just made an appointment to go into a clinic in a couple of weeks with an eye towards getting some anti-depressant medication. It's not something I'm doing lightly. But my life hasn't been something I've been happy with in longer than I can, or maybe choose to, remember.

I've been in therapy for two or three years (plus at least a couple when I was younger), and one of the reasons I chose my current therapist is that she didn't push medication right away. When I was "interviewing" potential candidates by phone, I had one person who, on the basis on one phone call with no in-person meeting, tried to throw meds at me.

I didn't like that much.

I think I resisted the idea of being clinically depressed for a long time because, for lack of a better phrase, I have this horror of being a "drama queen"-probably for the same reason that censors don't like to be called censors.

I need something to help me come unstuck from this jam I seem to be in, in my life, and at present, this seems to be the likeliest way out. Because I do need some way out, and every other method I can think of-at least those over which I have any immediate control-well, they all look like walls.