Words of Advice for Young People

"People often ask me if I ((cough)) have any words of advice for young people."

Well...here are a few simple admonitions for young and old.

Never interfere in a boy and girl fight.

Beware of whores who say they don't want money. The hell they don't. What they mean is they want more money, much more.

If you are doing business with a religious son-of-a-bitch get it in writing. His word isn't worth shit--not when the good Lord taught him how to fuck you on the deal.

Avoid all fuck-ups.
You all know the type.
Anything they have anything to do with no matter how good it sounds turns into a disaster area.

Do not offer sympathy to the mentally ill.
Tell them firmly:

I AM NOT PAID TO LISTEN TO THIS DRIVEL.
YOU ARE A TERMINAL FOOL!

Now, you may encounter the devil's bargain if you get that far. Any old soul is worth saving, at least to a priest, but not every soul is worth buying--so you can take the offer as a compliment.
They try the easy marks first--you know, like money (all the money there is)
but who wants to be the richest guy in some cemetery?
Money won't buy it.

In order to feel something you have to be there...
You have to be eighteen...
You're not eighteen...
You are seventy-eight.

"You always wanted to be a doctor, well, now's your chance."

"You could become a great healer and benefit humanity."

What's wrong with that?

Just About Everything.

There are no honorable bargains involving qualitative merchandise, like souls, for quantitative merchandise like time or money.

-William S. Burroughs-