To All The Girls I've Loved Before

I'd just like to apologize to those of you women in Dictionopolis in Digitopolis' vast reading audience whom I've shamed by having some form or another of sex with you (One percent, according to the most recent polling data).

(Maybe 1.5).

I didn't mean to make you so miserable, I mean I actually thought I usually tried to show you a pretty good time. But according to this article Amanda Marcotte found, I never really appreciated you as a person.

You can imagine my embarassment. I mean, here I thought I was a sensitive, considerate and giving lover, at least when I'm at my best. But no, apparently, I treated you as though you were one of the girls from Sex & the City, some ho in a rap video, or an excercise bike. Oh, and I've been telling all my buddies that I had you.

Apparently I've been doing that, because apparently that's what we all do. Sorry about that.