Slipping away

I've been thinking about whether or not I want to blog about this. I don't do a lot of airing of "dirty laundry" here as some people do on their blogs, apart from our occasional trips into the insecure psyche of a writer.

I just feel that I'm losing a friend, and I don't want to, but I don't really know what to do about it. It's somebody I've known for a pretty long time, but we just seem to have hit that point where the emails and calls stop being returned. And at a certain point I have to conclude that I need to take a hint and that-for whatever reason-I don't mean as much to them as I once did, or as I thought I did.

I say "for whatever reason" because it's not like we had a fight or anything. I hate the moments in friendships where you realize they're changing, or just ending. Why do you think I write about enduring friendships?

Part of me wants to say, it makes me sad, but you have to respect the wishes of friends.

Part of me is incredibly fucking angry that apparently they don't value me.

And yet a third worries that this is just going to make things worse-but it doesn't seem like it's getting better on its own anytime soon.

I've had the experience recently of somebody posting their POV of a fight we were having on their blog and even though they didn't identify me, it didn't make me feel great. It made me feel I was being passively-agressively manipulated, and I don't react to that.

I don't want to make anyone feel like that. The person I'm thinking of reads this blog, and I don't want to make them feel like that. But I've just been feeling crummy about this, and thinking about whether I wanted to blog it, and it's late, and what the fuck.