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Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Sting-rock's worst lyricist?

[Police] Frontman Sting was just lambasted by music magazine Blender as rock's worst lyricist. The teacher-turned-rocker writes lines that according to the publication exude "mountainous pomposity (and) cloying spirituality."

Sting topped the list, to be published in the November issue, for a few laughable lyrics, including the decision to quote a Volvo bumper sticker in "If You Love Someone Set Them Free,"


Fair enough, I suppose. Though what bothers me about that song is the notion that it's always multi-billionaire rock stars like Sting and John Lennon telling us we can live here and be happy with less. Otherwise, Sting was good when he was good.

Also making the top five, Rush drummer Neil Peart at number two


Why is he here? Because he's here. Why did it happen? Because it happened.

Creed frontman Scott Stapp at number three,


I seem to have made it to 36 without ever really hearing, or at least retaining, any of Stapp's songwriting. Ditto Dan Fogelberg, who's at number five.

Oasis guitarist Noel Gallagher at number four,


And after all...you're my...

Led Zeppelin's Robert Plant made the list at number 23 for the song "Ramble On," which contains references to J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings series


I don't care much for, or about Led Zeppelin, but I will say that Plant, in interviews and such, seems to have a decent sense of humor about him.

Carly Simon was also taunted for "You're So Vain," which rhymes the words "yacht," "apricot" and "gavotte."


Again-fair enough, but there's so much more to mock Ms. Simon for than her bad rhymes. Like for instance, that she once turned down a chance to sing "One For My Baby (And One More For The Road)" with Frank Sinatra. Because she didn't want to be seen to be promoting drunk driving.

Even one of the Fab Four members made the list - Paul McCartney sat at number 38 for his duet with Stevie Wonder, Ebony and Ivory, a song about racial harmony



True-McCartney can be a very lazy lyricist, especially without Lennon around to keep him honest. But this is far from his worst effort. I still think that's "Live & Let Die" ("And in this ever changing world in which we live in...").

But even composers we love can let us down. I still can't believe Joe Jackson wrote Night And Day II. Or Pet Shop Boys wrote Release.

On the other hand, inspired lyricists lift dull composers, why do you think almost everything Andrew Lloyd Webber writes without Tim Rice sucks?

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