Paddy and Mick are walking down a street in London . Paddy happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye.
The sign said: "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per pair".
Paddy says to his pal, "Mick, look! We could buy a whole lot of dose, And when we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, OK? Just let me do all the talking, cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us. I'll speak in my best English accent."
"Roight y'are, Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will," replies Mick.
They go in and Paddy says, "I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up my van and..."
The owner of the shop interrupts. "You're from Ireland , aren't you?"
"Well... Yes," says a surprised Paddy. "How der hell d' y' know dat?"
The owner replied, "This is a dry cleaners...
***** Wife was sure that her husband was cheating on her with the maid so she laid a trap. One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend & didn't
tell the husband. That night when they went to bed the husband gave the old story: Excuse me my dear, my stomach, & went to the bathroom. The wife promptly went into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. When in he came silently, He wasted no time or words but quickly got on top of her... When he finished & still panting, the wife said: You didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you? & switched on the light... No madam, Said the gardener …
A good looking woman walked into an orchard and found a lovely pool in it, and decided to go skinny-dipping. She looked around, didn't see anyone, and undressed.
Naked and just as she was about to dive in, the orchard grower appeared from behind the bush where he was hiding all along and told her that swimming was prohibited.
"You could have told me that before I undressed!" she scolded him.
He replied, "Hey! Only swimming is prohibited, undressing isn't.
A guy is out with his buddies. He has a few drinks, gets in the mood, but true to his wife, goes home.
When he gets home, he finds her sound asleep in bed with her mouth wide open.
He gets two aspirin and drops them into her mouth.
Of course, she chokes, but recovers and asks, "What did you put in my mouth??"
He says, "Two aspirin".
She replies, "BUT, I DON'T HAVE A HEADACHE!!!"
He says, "That's what I wanted to hear!"
No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi.
The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion: "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help your wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."
They go home and follow the Rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It doesn't help and the wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi.
"Okay," he says to the husband, " try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them." Once again they follow the Rabbi's advice.
They go home and hire the same strapping young man. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous screaming orgasm. The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly,"You see that, you young schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel!"
A Lady goes on vacation to Jamaica. Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate love making she asks him, 'What is your name?'
'I can't tell you,' the black man says.
Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is, and he always responds the same, he can't tell her. On her last night there she asks again 'Can you please tell me your name?'
'I can't tell you my name because you will laugh at me. ' says the Black man.
'There is no reason for me to laugh at you,' the lady says. 'Fine, my name is Snow!' the black man replies. And the lady bursts into laughter, and the Black man gets mad and says,' I knew you would make fun of it'.
The lady replied, 'I'm not making fun of your name. I'm thinking of my husband who won't believe me when I tell him that I had 10 inches of Snow every day in Jamaica .'
A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend.
"You see," he explained, "my wife's expecting."
"Oh..." said the Officer, "I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck."
The following week the same soldier was back again with the same explanation: "My wife's expecting." The Officer looked surprised.
"Still expecting?" he said, "Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the week-end off."
When the same soldier appeared again the third week, the officer lost his temper, "Don't tell me your wife is still expecting!" he bellowed.
"Yes sir!" said the soldier resolutely, "She's still expecting."
"What in heaven is she expecting?" yelled the officer.
"Sex with me, sir." the soldier cried.
|
No comments:
Post a Comment