"Britney's a sweet girl," said a close friend, "but the boobs are tired of being attached to such a fool."
"Besides, she's been exploiting them for years. They don't want her to be a nun, but frankly they're bit wary of what she may ask of them in her next 'comeback.' Last time, one of the boobs almost caught pneumonia!"
"Also, frankly, they're not proud of this, but they miss Justin."
When showbiz insiders expressed surprise that a pair of breasts could actually have a singing or movie star career...well, actually, no showbiz insiders expressed such surprise.
Elsewhere, reaction was varied throughout the breast community. Christina Aguilera's sent out a statement saying they knew all too well what it was like living underdressed and overexposed. They said they'd hoped Spears would get through it, as Aguilera had, but they understood and supported the desire to make a clean break and start a new life.
When asked to comment, all one of Janet Jackson's breasts would say was a muffled "Help me!" Jessica Alba's issued a similarly veiled statement. Paris Hilton's looked up hazily and said "...what?"
And Lindsay Lohan's breasts said they just wanted to know why nobody liked them anymore.
Britney intimates not wishing to be identified say that her "gals" came to this decision only after a long, dark night of the soul during which they were visited by the ghost of Anna Nicole Smith's breasts.
"They really put the fear of god into them," a source confides.
Early indications were that the boobs first single would be a reimagining of "Boom Boom (Let's Go Back To My Room)," by Paul Lekakis.
There was also talk of their accepting the lead in a remake of the classic film "Hardbodies."
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