Yes!

I went to the library this afternoon. While driving away from my building, I passed what appeared to be a Sarcophagus. Not a real one, of course, a faux one. Nevertheless, not something you see every day.

Then, while leaving the library, I happened to glance down at a coverless paperback novel that somebody had discarded. It looked like some kind of Jacqueline Susann novel or the like, so I was only mildly curious.

Then I saw, printed on the little hype sheet on the first page:

MIRRORS
TAKES YOU INSIDE THE WORLD OF BROADWAY'S "GYPSY" DANCERS

Well, I have an interest in that-Chorus Line and all that jazz, to say nothing of All That Jazz. So I turn to the spine to see who the author of this stunning novel is.

"James Lipton."

Can it be? Can it be that the arrogant, oily, unctuous idiot of Inside the Actors Studio once wrote a novel?

I flip to the dedication page:

For my wife, Kedakai Turner Lipton, who did me the small service of redefining the universe...

Oh yes. Yes it can. And the man even writes arrogant, oily, unctuous and idiotic.

Before the first chapter we are given a lengthy quotation from Rimbaud, which Lipton reprints both in the original French and in an English translation. Then we are given the definition of the dance term Pas de Deux, and are informed that:

The classical form consists of an entrée, adagio, two variations and a coda.

Wait, there's still more. You see, we are now told that what follows is an ENTREE. Gee, I wonder how the book is structured. Okay. Now we turn the page, and see that (finally) the book proper is about to begin.

But it's not the first chapter, no no no, no way. It's:

ONE, two, three, four
First Position

This is the first page of the novel, unedited:

Vibrant. A foot. Pulsing in space. Cruelly arched, against nature, against sense. Under the quivering skin the clenched muscles sent a desperate plea to the distant, unheeding cortex: Stop! Enough!
The teacher, narrow and urgent, glided past the rows of students, one hand afloat, ready to point, to prod, to accuse. He passed next to a dancer, standing like all the others on one leg, the other leg extended, foot pointed toward the ceiling, taut knee nearly brushing ear. The dancer, feeling the teacher's close, reproachful presence, dug deeper into the floor with the supporting foot, toes cluching at the unyielding wood.
"Too heavy. Lighten it. Reach up!" the teacher rasped and moved on through a thicket of wool: tights, sweaters, leg warmers, stained and tattered as overloved teddy bears, but essential to the never-ending battle against the lurking enemy, cold air on warm muscle. Once again the teacher turned to scold. "Turn out."
Under the agonized muscles, the senseless bone. No pain there, no signal. But change, anomaly, the big nob at the top of the thighbone twisted backward as if by a powerful hand.

Whoo!

According to that same hype sheet in the front, those dancers are:

Always short on cash and long on hopes, they live together in glitter and squalor on New York's West Side, sharing their lovers, their heartaches, their dreams.
Carin knew that her own dreams had come true when she became part of their world...

Diane. She took Carin in and taught her everything dancers must know to survive.

Terry. The aging "gypsy," facing the crossroads that every dancer dreads, he gave Carin a special gift.

Gino. Brash, ambitious, sensuous, he showed Carin what a great partner can mean to a dancer.

Chris. He followed Carin a thousand miles, only to find he was losing her to her other great love-to that breathtaking moment when the house lights go down and the curtain goes up!

To be fair, Lipton presumably didn't write those descriptions, but they definitely capture his melodramatic style. Senseless bone, big nob anyone?

What's really weird is that the book comes adorned with quotes by people some of whose work I've admired very much, including Pete Hamill, Bob Fosse, Gwen Verdon, Neil Simon, and Cy Coleman.

Fosse tells us,

"The all-night dance rehearsal scene was so real my muscles ached after reading it."

I'm going on the assumption that these people are or were friends of Lipton, and had not completely lost their critical faculties. But I intend struggling through this book as best I can-if nothing else it promises to be funnier than if Douglas Adams came back from the dead to write for Futurama.

If it turns out I'm wrong and the late Mr. Fosse, et all are right, I'll eat these words here. I wouldn't make any really big bets on that happening, however.

By the way, walking back to my apartment building from my car, I passed (apparently) the same faux Sarcophagus...but not in the same place. Now there's something you don't see every day...twice...

Six, Bells

I decided to look in on a couple of new(ish) shows tonight, "Wedding Bells" and "Six Degrees." Both are getting what Metacritic describes as mixed or average to generally negative reviews.

In the case of "Six Degrees," it's really not hard to see why. What a waste of some good actors, especially Hope Davis and Campbell Scott. The character interactions-which is really all a show like this would seem to have going for it-were deadly.

Let's say you have a woman character who's a realtor and takes some hunk-o-rama to a nicely furnished apartment. Then as he's checking out the windows, she steps briefly out of the room, and calls to him that in fact the apartment is not for rent...because it's hers. Then she walks back into the room in the nude.

Then is not the time to have her play coy as to whether she's going to let this man kiss her or not. Not if you want the show to have a sense of reality.

For these and other reasons, the script and direction struck me as just barely competent. Something that really saddens me to say, considering the script was written by a man named Peter Parnell.

Besides having been a producer and writer on "The West Wing," Peter Parnell was also Aaron Sorkin's writing teacher. I'm going to say that again: The man taught Aaron Sorkin to write. He also wrote a great play, "The Rise and Rise of Daniel Rocket," which I saw in a filmed-for-television version in 1986 and still have on tape somewhere.

If this is what has become of his gift for writing characters, then I have another reason to excuse myself for not finding fame in Hollywood.

This show is still on (for the moment-both are losing in the ratings) and "Veronica Mars," "Studio 60" and "The Nine" are all missing and presumed dead. And some people tell me there's a god.

One of the only hard-and-fast rules for TV is that what a show is about is not as important as who's doing it. "The Wedding Bells" sure doesn't sound like a promising idea(Three sisters! And they're wedding planners! And their last name is...Bell! Get it?).

And David E. Kelley is hit-and-miss with me. I liked his episodes of "L.A. Law" and "The Practice" that I've seen; "Boston Legal" continues to tickle me to my heart's content. Heck, at age 16, I even enjoyed "From The Hip." But I actively disliked "Ally McBeal" and most of the rest of his series I didn't care about one way or the other.

But "Bells" has got some dazzling women, including Teri Polo, Missi Pyle, Sarah Jones and Kadee Strickland. And-get this-Kelley's given them some funny things to do, and they do them well. Funny, as in, I actually laughed.

If I was gonna make any suggestion I'd say that it could probably be turned into a filmed, one-camera sitcom without too much trouble, and might be improved by it.

Still...appealing women. Saying funny things. Sometimes my needs aren't that complex. And besides, they invoked my favorite Broadway love song, the beautiful "Dulcinea," from "Man of La Mancha." This is my kinda show. I'm in for so long as it lasts-which, if the reviews and ratings are any indication, won't be long.

I'll just overlook the fact that one of the bigger jokes involved the timely death of a man named Benjamin.

And I really want to know who gave sexy Teri Polo that unflattering haircut.

You learn something new every day.

Take me, for example. I just learned something, thanks to a reply on a message board to a post I left about that Suze Orman woman. The one who came out as a lesbian but said she was a virgin because she has never been with a man.

Apparently, the proper term for such a woman is (via the Urban Dictionary):

gold star lesbian

A lesbian who has never slept with a man.

Sometimes I forget my girlfriend has slept with men... I'm a gold star lesbian.

Love it.

Who do I root for in a case like this II: Oh, yes. There will be blood.

Rosie O’Donnell vs. Bill O’Reilly.

Sweet land-a-goshin.

Halle Berry...blue dress...tight...smart cameraman...Halle Berry...blue dress...tight...smart cameraman...

There's no such thing as heroes anymore

You know...

I used to like a man named Colin Mochrie. You know, from Whose Line Is It Anyway? Funny man, right? Beautifully random. I used to think that, too. That was before I'd seen on The Daily Show that he'd chosen to caper and prance for the amusement and glorification of Karl Rove.

Nice going, Mochrie. Would you like it if some American comic decided it would be good for his career to suck up to some repulsive truth-twisting piece of Canadian toxic trash? And I know you've got 'em, Colin (I have a spy in Ontario).

I'd ask whether or not your greed actually knows no bounds, but the truth is, I want to believe you were paid, and paid well, and that's the only reason you did it. Because that makes you a cynical opportunist scumbag, and if so, hey, welcome to show business, baby.

The other possibility is that you've been so poisoned by sucking at Drew Carey's teats that you've lost the moral sense I want to believe you once had, and possibly any sense of reality.

Say it's not so, Colin...

Give me your shoulder, I need a place To wait for morning...I deny any mission, escape definition...

I want to run a couple of videos, just because I think the songs are great. Watch them, watch one but not the other, watch only enough to see whether or not you agree with me. I really don't care.

I think these songs are great.

The first is one of my favorite Thomas Dolby songs, which means it's one of the best-produced, best written electronic pop should-have-been-hits of the '80s. With more keyboard hooks than are dreamt of in Beyonce's philosphy.

There's really nothing much more to say than: "Airwaves."


Now in My Girlfriend's Boyfriend, there's an almost thrown away reference to Colley & Keitha once having done a lip synch performance to a Hue & Cry song at day camp. This is the song I was thinking of. It's a paradoxically breezy yet rough edged early song by the Scottish pop duo. I've been a big fan of it for about 20 years now.

And it seemed fitting for my two characters because it is about, simply, refusing to accept the definitions that other people put on you.

And it's called, fittingly, "I Refuse."



I hope you enjoyed.

Stop in the middle of your life for asking

I want to call your attention again to what Garry Trudeau has been doing in his satirical comic strip Doonesbury.

It sounds strange to describe any comic strip creator as "wise," and Trudeau would doubtless be the first to agree. Nevertheless, it's the best word I can come up with to describe the caliber of the work Trudeau has done following the experiences of his character BD, the Iraq military casualty.

It's been wise while never losing sight of wit, and always rooted in individuality. BD is not a statistic or example, he has always remained himself. In fact if anything, this focus has allowed Trudeau to flesh him out in a way he hadn't been in years.

This week, Trudeau has been widening his scope as BD meets, outside his therapist's office, a young female Vet who was the victim of sexual trauma and abuse by her fellow soldiers. It's increasingly gripping; engrossing work.

And yes, believe it or not, it's still funny. There's a reason why Trudeau is rightly considered the finest of his kind.

This link should take you to Monday's strip, where the story started. Then click the "next" tab to bring you up to today.

Not so mysterious, really.

American Prospect has an article about how the GOP seems, for lack of a better word, stuck in a rut. Even in the face of an nearly-universally unpopular war, and every day new evidence of criminal behavior by conservative thugs, they just can't change their ways.

The truly astonishing thing about the latest scandals besetting the Bush administration is that they stem from actions the administration took after the November elections, when Democratic control of Congress was a fait accompli.

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales' hour-long meeting on sacking federal prosecutors took place after the election. The subsequent sacking took place after the election. The videoconference between leaders of the General Services Administration and Karl Rove's deputy about how to help Republican candidates in 2008, according to people who attended the meeting, took place Jan. 26 this year.

The president's mega-failure, of course, has been his decision to plow ahead in Iraq, the verdict of the American electorate in November notwithstanding. More mysterious still has been the inability of congressional Republicans to change course on the war. Last week, just two Republican congressmen voted for the Democrats' bill to withdraw U.S. combat forces from Iraq by the end of August 2008. On Tuesday, just two Republican senators voted for Democratic senators' bill setting a March 2008 deadline.

Not so mysterious, really. The only chance Bush has of saving his "legacy," will be if Iraq somehow, against the odds, ends up to his benefit. And the same goes for the Republican congressmen who supported him and his war.

When something is your only chance, or even if you just see it that way, it is perhaps not surprising that you focus on it to the exclusion of almost anything else; sometimes, apparently, rationality.

Harold Meyerson, who wrote the article, finishes up by asking-

What gives with the Republicans? How have they -- not just in the White House but in Congress, too -- become so detached from reality?

-and then offers four possible explainations. I have another. I think the only thing that horrifies Bush and the people who supported him more than the plunge their popularity has taken...is what will happen if the whole truth ever comes out.

Then he sunk back into despair

Dear Ben Varkentine,



We are writing to let you know that we must pass on My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend. Because of the amount of client work in our office just now we must pass on projects when we don’t feel immediately and wholly connected.



Thank you for giving us the opportunity to read your work. We wish you the very best with your writing.



Best wishes,

He was born and raised in privilege
Took everything it gave
Had financial help from his father
From the cradle to the grave
And this enabled him to believe in the things
He did try hard, God forbid
he should give in to pointless wandering
But he would wander from time to time
Seeking guidance from the Holy
he tried to find the truth
Among the radical revolutionaries
Who canonized his youth

So with little or no formal education
He taught himself to work
Would often steal the pain it took
To rise up from the dirt
And out of desperation would
Disturb the millionaires
Whose patronage had helped the power
Rise up from thin air,
Then he sunk back into despair

–The Dream Academy, “Power To Believe.”

Just because you're wearing glasses doesn't mean you look smart, Scarlett

Scarlett Johansson in scene from upcoming movie The Nanny Diaries.

Is it just me, or does anybody else see the concept for a great reality show here?

Hollywood actress Anne Hathaway finds it difficult to get the roles she wants - because contemporaries like Scarlett Johansson and Keira Knightley fight for the same parts.

The important question: How to get them on the waterslide?

Yes, now you too can lick the back of Emperor Palpatine's head

You'd think if they really wanted Star Wars fans to use these, they would have included Princess Leia in the gold bikini. There are men who have been waiting 25 years to get their tongues onto the back of that.

...apparently...

...15 postage stamps commemorating the Star Wars movies. The 41-cent stamps will be released May 25.

They were going to issue a stamp featuring Jar Jar Binks, but they were afraid people would take to spitting on the wrong side.*


* With apologies to Will Durst.

That kid from American Beauty's going to be pissed.

San Francisco passes plastic-bag ban

SAN FRANCISCO - City leaders approved a ban on plastic grocery bags after weeks of lobbying on both sides from environmentalists and a supermarket trade group. San Francisco would be the first U.S. city to adopt such a rule if Mayor Gavin Newsom signs the ban as expected.

The law, approved 10-1, requires large markets and drug stores to offer customers bags made of paper that can be recycled, plastic that breaks down easily enough to be made into compost, or reusable cloth.

San Francisco supervisors and supporters said that by banning the petroleum-based sacks, blamed for littering streets and choking marine life, the measure would go a long way toward helping the city earn its green stripes.

I appreciate the thought, Jerry

From the dedication page to Jerry Hopkins' Yoko Ono:

This is for the people who must be artists, or must try to be. They are pushing at the walls the rest of us erect.

The Bush supporter's trademark bravery (and original relationship with literacy)...

...can be seen in an anonymous comment on my post of a week or two ago.

One of the three greatest things anyone has ever written about the Human League*

From Love is a Mix Tape by Rob Sheffield, page 186:

Take the Human League. Everybody knows "Don't You Want Me." Everybody loves this song. Nobody would remember it except for the girl who sings the second verse. It's some of the clumsiest singing ever smuggled into the top 40, a common voice, a girl who has to be free and has no special reason to give, nothing clever to say. She's just speaking her piece, and not even taking any pleasure in that. Part of the joy of the Human League is Phil Oakey indulging his vocal melodrama-"dooon't! don't you waaant me!"-versus the dippy flatness of the girls in the band. They sing "(Keep Feeling) Fascination" and they can't keep a straight face. In the video, Phil is preening, seducing the camera, while the girls swing their hands back and forth, lock eyes, and know that teenage boys in America are watching closely to see their tongues flicker out when they pronounce the "l" in "love so strong." I know I waited for that moment every time.

*The other two, of course (not counting my review of Secrets) were in these books:

A question.

Whatever happened to Gabrielle Anwar?



Scent of a Woman was on TV last night and it reminded me of how fantastic-looking she was, with that look of innocence-meets-lewd that some say is every man's fantasy.

Pretzel Logic

Andrew Sullivan has a column about how, in his view, Karl Rove has failed in the long run.

...just as Rove has become entangled in petty scandal, he has bungled the bigger strategy as well. Six years into the Bush presidency Rove’s fantasy of a permanent Republican majority is fast becoming a B-movie of a broken political movement.

It's worth reading, with one big but: It lets Bush off too easily. Sullivan seems to think that all the spin, all the objectively-unhinged behavior, all the lies and basically this whole nightmare called the Bush administration can be blamed on Rove:

Rove advised a moderate, congenial and compassionate Republican, elected with a minority of the popular vote, to forget about retaining the political centre. Rove believed that appealing to moderates was a fool’s game when there were millions of alienated evangelical voters waiting to be tapped.

So Bush cut taxes, turned on the spending spigot and stuck to a strictly religious line on social policy: no new federal embryonic stem cell research, judicial appointments designed to reverse the Roe vs Wade case that established women’s right to abortion, a constitutional amendment to ban civil recognition of gay couples and a clumsy attempt to play politics with Terri Schiavo, a woman in Florida in a permanent vegetative state.

Look, Karl Rove is obviously a truth-twisting piece of toxic trash who repulses me even more than anime. But the notion that, if not for him, George W. Bush would have been "moderate, congenial and compassionate" comes from someone who swallowed the Bush line a long time ago. Someone who still hasn't spit it back up, no matter how rancid it turned out to be.

Bush did all those thing. Not Rove. George W. Bush. He is without mercy or feeling.

But, as always...this is pure speculation and I admit that...I continue to be convinced that all of Andrew Sullivan's opinions on Bush really come from only one place: He's haunted by the fact that he's a gay man who masochistically supported Bush and twisted himself into a pretzel trying to cling to the belief Bush thinks he's a human being.

And although he's made great strides in calling bullshit on all the spin, all the objectively-unhinged behavior, all the lies and basically this whole nightmare called the Bush administration...

I believe he still, deep down, wants to think that he could have a civil discussion with George W. Bush if they met across a table. They could have a couple of refreshing drinks, eat some snacks, and he could look into Bush's eyes. And he would see that there is really no cruelty, indifference or meanness in his heart.

It's really kind of sad, when you think about it.

News you can use:

In South Carolina, gay marriage is now officially unlawful. However, marrying your cousin, even if he or she is only 14-years old, is still perfectly all right. There and in Texas.

-Via Feministing.

challenge answered

Blogger Dave Lifton decided to weigh in on the most recent meme, even though I didn't tag him. This is the kind of initiative we like to see here at Dictionopolis in Digitopolis.

And speaking of what we like to see here at Dictionopolis in Digitopolis, my pretty old girlfriend* Kelly, who I did tag**, has also answered the call.





*I mean she's pretty, and she's my old girlfriend, not that she's pretty old or anything like that.

**And I don't mean that in any kind of euphemistic way.

2, 368 entries, and I haven't posted any footage from Monty Python's Flying Circus

Let's rectify that right now, being as they're some of the funniest men in the world.

Random Flickr-blogging 6236

Oh, dear. Y'know, the "discreet" bow school of ladies fashion is one of the few things from the '80s I'd hoped would never, never make a comeback. So now I'm worried. Because if this is here, can a Loverboy revival be far behind?

Certainly a lovely-looking young woman, though. And I'm not normally one for Asians.

Source.

It's very clear (an illustrated meme)

This meme is from Jeopardygirl.

Eight Songs I Am Diggin’ On Right Now:

"New Song (New Version") by Howard Jones. Love that bigger piano sound.

"Hang On Now [Extended Mix]" by Kajagoogoo. One of only two songs they or Lihmal ever recorded that doesn't have anything majorly wrong with it.

"Everybody Have Fun Tonight" by Wang Chung. See post further down for most recent reason.

"Sledgehammer" by Peter Gabriel.

"True Blue (and) "Live To Tell," both by Madonna.

"A Good Heart" by Feargal Sharkey. One of the great two-time-one-hit wonders. I dunno what the deal was with the name, though.

"Don't Leave Me This Way" by the Communards. Another of those bands I have a fair sampling of just from comps, even though I don't own any actual albums.

If money were no object, what would you be doing with your life?

Living in California, working as a director of films/theater and writer of same plus books.

Money is just that - an object, so why aren’t you doing it?

“I don’t think the State does enough for artists and writers generally in the way of subsidy and tax relief and so on-I mean, as an artist and a writer, I have to be surrounded by beautiful things and beautiful people-and beautiful people cost money.”

–Alan Bennett, On The Margin

What’s better: horses or cows? Horses.

What do you think the secret to happiness is?

I knew that, you think I'd be answering meme questions on a saturday afternoon?

When was the last time you had a dream that you either remember well or did not want to awake from? Can you share a bit?

Last night. No.

When you were a little kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? Besides a Ghostbusting Jedi Knight Time Lord? Willie Aames. Only because he got to swim naked with a 19-year-old Phoebe Cates. Oh, ok, not when I was a little kid...when I was a little kid I wanted to sing on Broadway.

Yes, I wanted to sing on Broadway and I also lusted after Phoebe Cates, okay? I am large, I contain multitudes.

Complete this statement: Love is…

Well in my Lexicon, Love is...:

...in the air.

...all, love is new
Love is all, love is you

My love is your love
Our love is here to stay

Love is a hot bitch (see below).
Can you tell a good story? Well I couldn't write Dr. Doolitte II or Jurassic Park 3 or Firefly, if that's what you mean.

Can you remember your last daydream? What was it about? Probably just the everyday one where I win one of those lotteries where you get $500 every week for the rest of your life.

If you were to thank someone today, who would you thank? Corey, for recommending I look on Craisglist for a new TV, and for sending me a package of Torchwood/Doctor Who/Sarah Jane Smith DVDs.

I'm tagging Kelly.

(The illustrations are optional...really the whole thing is, of course.)

I'm stuffing the ballot box for Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip and Veronica Mars

...in the Kristin's blog Save One Show poll on E!, that is.

As Kristin says,

Now, lest you think this silly little poll doesn't really make a difference, let me remind you that our Save One Show campaign has a solid track record, having successfully rescued five out of six winning shows. And if I had a nickel for every time a castmember or producer told me our SOS singlehandedly saved them...well, I bet I'd have a whole dollar.

So yeah, I concede that voting in this poll-especially for shows whose chances seem as dim, and/or whose ratings have been as low, as Studio 60 & Veronica-is kind of like the woman in the old Jewish joke who brings chicken soup for a man at his funeral. It probably won't help, but..."it couldn't hoit!"

Vote early, vote often.

Okay, the "U.S. House sets deadline for pullout" thing

Okay, first, this piece from a couple of weeks ago, because a certain detail just caught my eye:

House Democratic leaders vowed Thursday to pass legislation setting a deadline of Sept. 1, 2008, for the withdrawal of U.S. combat troops from Iraq, a challenge to President Bush's war policy that drew a blunt veto threat in return.

Hey, wait a minute. Sept. 1, 2008 is my 37th birthday. They can't end the war on Sept. 1, 2008!...Who the hell decided the war had to end on Sept. 1, 2008, huh?! This whole thing is a plot against me, isn't it?!

Now on to the latest story:

...for Nancy Pelosi, House passage of legislation ordering troops home from Iraq next year was sweet victory.

"The American people have lost faith in the president's conduct of this war," said Pelosi, D-Calif. "The American people see the reality of the war, the president does not."

Just over an hour following the vote, Bush angrily accused Democrats of playing politics and renewed his promise to veto the spending legislation if it included their withdrawal timetable, despite administration claims the money is needed next month by troops.

I'm just going to assume the sheer head-turned-roundness of Bush "angrily accusing" anybody of playing politics is self evident, and move on to:

"These Democrats believe that the longer they can delay funding for our troops, the more likely they are to force me to accept restrictions on our commanders..."[Bush] said.

Yes. It certainly would suck if someone provided so little funds to the troops that, oh I don't know, we couldn't afford to buy them armor. And their parents had to raise money to provide it themselves as though the war were a church bazaar or something.

Or, if from the beginning we had forced our commanders to accept restrictions such as going into this war with fewer troops than they said they needed to win. Therefore making it impossible to win even if it were legal, right, and had no stink of shame attached to it whatsoever.

Yeah, whoever did that would certainly be deserving of our scorn.

Voting for the House bill were 216 Democrats and two Republicans -- Wayne Gilchrest of Maryland and Walter Jones of North Carolina. Of the 212 members who opposed it, 198 were Republicans and 14 were Democrats.

Absolutely no prizes for guessing from which state one of the Democrats who opposed the bill hails. If you have to think about it for even a minute...you obviously haven't been reading this blog long.

No lesbians in women's sports? Is she insane?

Rene Portland turned Penn State into one of the top programs in women's college basketball.

In the end, her highly successful 27-year tenure as Lady Lions head coach may be remembered just as much for allegations that she may have discriminated against lesbian players.

Penn State announced Portland's resignation Thursday, more than a month after the coach and university settled a lawsuit from a former player who claimed Portland had a "no-lesbian" policy on her team.

I don't really have too much more to add to this except the headline. What next, no male gays in dance or bodybuilding?

Here's a little more about this woman who may have been a succesful basketball coach, but not much of a human being.

Portland was criticized in the past for comments regarding homosexuality. In 1986, she told the Chicago Sun-Times she didn't allow lesbians to play on her team. In a 1991 story in The Philadelphia Inquirer, several former players, recruits and colleagues of Portland said the coach did not tolerate homosexuality among her players.

And wouldn't you just love to have heard those tryout interviews...

"Well Gwen, you shoot great and have excellent use of the fundementals. But let me ask you this: Have you eaten any pussies lately?"

"Gosh no, coach, like all my teammates, I only love cock!"

"Excellent! We can use you then..."

Yay! Mel Gibson is angry again!

Actor-Director Mel Gibson exploded in anger at a professor at Cal State University Northridge on Thursday after a screening of his film "Apocolypto."

Gibson became angry at CSUN professor Alicia Estrada after she accused Gibson of stereotyping and inaccurately portraying the Mayan culture in the graphic movie.

"He told her to `f--- off lady, get a history book and read,"' said Josue Guagan, a student in attendance at the late-night screening of the film.

"I was shocked about his response. I thought he would be more civilized and it would be educational," Guagan said.

Y'know, as someone who has written a piece of fiction which deals in part with a culture that I am not necessarily a member of, I can certainly emphasize with Gibson's sensitivity over...

I'm kidding of course. This is beautiful.

I have no excuse or rationalization for running this photo of Winona Ryder

I'm running it for exactly the reason you think I am.

I could make a lot of sniggering tit jokes, but fortunately, TMZ's already taken care of that. So I'm just saying: I appreciate Ms. Ryder's work. I also appreciate Ms. Ryder's chest. I'm not the slightest bit guilty about this, so there, nosiree.

Who do I root for in a case like this?

Justin Timberlake vs. the state of Tennessee.

Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves

Again via Feministing, the delightful story of a couple of bartending women in San Francisco who observed one of the fouler members of my sex slipping white pills into his date's drink...and what they did about it.

Enjoy.

It's been too long since I've linked something by our man Mariano

"...the unofficial official 'mystery artist' of Dictionopolis in Digitopolis." So let's rectify that right away.

R.I.P; Larry "Bud" Melman

Calvert DeForest, aka Larry "Bud" Melman of the David Letterman shows, has died. I couldn't find my best-remembered moment of his (eight words: "And everywere...the smell of men, enjoying themselves"), but I think you'll enjoy this clip. It's from when the Late Show was in Los Angeles in 1994.

You'll want to be sure to watch all the way to the end...

A song named after Annabel (if we're not going to quibble over spelling and we're not), and more

Remember when I was talking a while back about a CD I got for review which turned my head around? Because the title and first word of the first song was the same as one of my characters (more than less-see qualifier in the headline)?

Well, that review is up at Ink 19.

The band is Hail Social-you can play a few songs on their myspace page.

"You're 18 years old and you're wearing somebody's brains around on your shirt because they got their head blown off right next to you..."

"...and that's not supposed to affect you. I've never understood that. What would scare me, is if we were to send a group of 18 year olds 12, 000 miles away , and subject them to, a year of that obsenity, and have them not be affected. That's what would frighten me."
-Solider soundbyte in Paul Hardcastle's 19

Lengthy, moving story here on how female soldiers are experiencing the Iraq war, from the New York Times. Many of them are suffering from post traumatic stress disorder and other serious mental health issues. It'll make you sick to your stomach, it'll chill your blood, it'll make you want to cry.

Or maybe that was just me.

Objectively speaking, the fact that we, as a nation, put anybody through this, man or woman, for no good reason...

Almost solely, I believe, because Karl Rove thought it would be a good way to consolidate the Republicans' power...I'm tired of feeling like it's naive to ask: Why isn't every man and woman responsible for that abomination on trial right now? That ought to be at the least an impeachable offense.

Not for the first time, I find myself recognizing in myself and identifying with many symptoms described. I have issues with perpetrators who don't take responsibility.

But...this whole thing is so big and so out of control. And the people making the decisions have so little if any idea what they're doing, or what they've done.

Thanks to Jessica at Feministing for posting the link.

Well I've always known that, frankly.

Letters, oh we get letters...

A'mee writes:

I was messing around on that "Conservapedia" site that you were talking about a while back, clicking the random link button (yes, I'm bored tonight) and snickering at some of the stupid shit that comes up, when I happened across this link....

http://www.conservapedia.com/Vagina

Appparently, we women are just THAT offensive!

Get away, Tucker. Do go on and tell me all about it.

How long has it been since I've mentioned to you that Tucker Carlson is an awful human being?

Tucker on Sen. Clinton: "[T]here's just something about her that feels castrating, overbearing, and scary"
On the March 20 edition of MSNBC's Tucker, host Tucker Carlson noted that a 1984-inspired attack ad posted on YouTube.com characterizes Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY) "as an Orwellian Big Sister" and proceeded to endorse this depiction of Clinton, saying, "But there's just something about her that feels castrating, overbearing, and scary." Carlson maintained: "I mean, you've gotta admit, when you watch that, it does get right to heart of people's instinctive problems with Hillary, which don't have to do with policy."

Silly fuckin' me, Tuck. There I was thinking my problems with Hillary had to do with things like her...

• Having voted for the Iraq war.
• Being slow to admit her terrible mistake.
• Not being woman enough to say "you were right, and I was wrong" to the grassroots that tried to tell her.
• Support of legalized gaybashing like the "Defense of Marriage" Act.
• Signing on to meaningless right-wing issues like Flag-Burning legislation.

And I haven't even mentioned (because it isn't a policy-related reason to have a problem with her) the fact that her sense of humor is such evident horseshit. She thought it would be funny to compare a former President of the United States-and her husband-to a murderous terrorist. That was like watching a bad SNL sketch.

But none of the actual policy-related reasons up there are really why I have a problem with her. It's because I'm afraid she's going to cut my balls off. You've got me there, Tuck. It's because strong women are scawy to bratty, bow tie wearing faux-journalist liars like me who equate blocking the entrance of a building with murder.

Oh wait, Tucker...that's you.

Yes, White House. Take Tom DeLay's advice. That's a good idea...

Yahoo! News has an analysis of how Bush's onetime allies are-oh, what is the phrase-cutting and running. You can read it if you like but it probably won't tell you anything you don't already know.

As it becomes more and more plain how unpopular his war is, and how little support he himself has, the inhabitants of Washington, D.C. are showing their own particular brand of political courage.

But this is the part I love.

"This is just a taste of what it's going to be like for the next two years," said former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, R-Texas. He told NBC's "Today" show the White House "ought to be fighting back" harder.

Yes, White House. Please. Listen to Tom DeLay, a man whose name is synonymous with corruption. That's exactly what you need. And god bless you, "Today" show and NBC for continuing to treat him as though he should be taken seriously in any way.

I miss you, Molly Ivins. This would've been like the second coming for you.

That poor dear Uma Thurman STILL just can't keep a man

Or, depending on how you want to look at it, maybe none of the deficient men she's had so far can keep Uma satisfied.

Now this is funny

Y'know, even if I had a fully functioning TV at the moment, which I don't, I wouldn't have watched Dancing with the Stars last night. Even if aforementioned nutbag Heather Mills hadn't been on it.

However, this is fucking funny. Her score?

666.

You smooth talker

Robbie Williams is out of rehab and already breakin' hearts in Los Angeles.

TMZ spotted the British pop star locking lips with an unknown brunette inside BOULEVARD3 last night, and then just minutes later, hitting on a stacked blonde outside the club.

A recently rehabbed Robbie also proclaimed, "I'm almost off all drugs," before telling the blonde, "I like this country ... not as much as I like your breasts though."

What?

Christian comedian Keith Deltano has been performing at a number of high schools in Loudon County, Virginia this year with the intent of pushing abstinence-only education through comedy. How does he do this, do you ask? By dangling a cinderblock over a male students' crotch to demonstrate the ineffectiveness of condoms against HIV.

Via Feministing. Emphasis theirs. The words that jumped out at me were, first, "Christian comedian." These are not words I expect to see together that often. I know there are exceptions, but "Christians" lot in life seems to be to demonstrate against comedy and comedians. And assure us all anyone who takes the church to task in any way is a bad person.

And...last time I checked...condoms were very effective against HIV, as well as other sexually transmitted diseases and a little thing I like to call pregnancy. This guys going around telling high school students that they're not?

On the other hand, if this guy's doing comedy to push an agenda, it'll never work. Someone like Stephen Colbert has made his name (and gotten his name on an ice cream flavor) because he's a very funny improv comedian, not because he has an agenda.

Still, sure will be interesting to see the STD/pregnancy numbers from Virginia a few months from now.

Okay, baby

My writing sample and assorted attached papers are in the mail. Thanks to those of you who offered your suggestions or just goodwill and good luck on the cover letter.

The cherry blossoms have begun to fall at the post office; to one with so keen an eye as I have for potential metaphor and signs, it gave me a good feeling.

Also, I've been very lucky with the radio lately. Usually, I drive wth tapes, but sometimes, when I'm in a hurry and don't have time to grab a couple, I just let the "scan" fuction be my guide.

(This is how I came to invent a little game: Any time you drive in Seattle with the radio scan function on, it is only a matter of time before you hear something by Sting and/or The Police. This almost never fails. I know they're popular everywhere, but jeez, they're really popular in Seattle. Today, it was "If You Love Somebody Set Them Free." But that's not the song I want to tell you about)

Driving back here from the post office, I had another one of those experiences of a radio station playing just what I needed to hear even before I realized I needed to hear it. You see, ever since I got that e-mail from the Agency saying they would be happy (their word) to read a sample of my work, I've been divided.

Part of me, as you can probably well imagine, is breathless with anticipation. The other part is telling that part to keep calm. At times like these, you need something incredibly meaningless, and I use the words literally. You need something both meaningless . . . and incredible.

You need:

Huey Lewis For The New Millennium

Blue Gal, AKA Our Lady the Religious Liberal w/the Disembodied Panties, has put together a satirical lyric based on the Huey Lewis and the News top 10 hit, "I Want A New Drug."

Sample:

I want a new church.
One with some doubt.
And where peace, love, and understanding
Is what we're about.

One that won't make me nervous
Or one of the chosen few,
But kind of a Christian version
Of a Non-religious Jew.

Read the whole thing. You won't be sorry.

Random Flickr-blogging 0088

After 25 years of therapy, and getting to grips with her sexuality...Christine Returns!

Credit

And some people wonder why I want to move back to San Francisco....

This must have been fun to watch

Felicity Huffman roughs up Jessica Alba and makes her cry.




Oh sure, Jessica can dress tough...

Beat this! Looking for the perfect beat...We are the future, you are the past

I was gonna post a few links that I e-mailed to a couple of my pals this afternoon, but then I realized that they all came from the mighty Zaius Nation's prescription. So I might as well just send you over there.

But just so you know what you're getting into...

'80s commercials. 50 of 'em. Plus a link to 50 more.

Goofy white men in even goofier costumes, including one who looks like George W. Bush.

And, I doubt this will interest many of you, but there is a link to a series of pictures of a rather attractive young lady all accoutred in a Batgirl T-Shirt and black lace panties. At least, that's what she starts out wearing. Whether you want to see what she ends up with is between you and your shame.

Finally, a 45-second animated (sorta) clip of Calvin and Hobbes. There seems to be a whole genre of these on YouTube, but the one Zaius linked to is probably the best.

These and, as they say, much much more!

Enjoy.

One more reason to hope scientists are wrong about time travel being impossible

Chance of getting to know Cyd Charisse in 1956.

I'm getting ready for a freakout

There is a fantastic interview here with a man named Neil Nyren, who is senior vice president, publisher and editor in chief of G.P. Putnam’s Sons. Just a few of his authors include Tom Clancy, Dave Barry, Maureen Dowd, and Linda Ellerbee.

The interview is posted at a murder mystery site, but ranges (like Nyren's career) more widely than that. Here's what he had to say on the subject of what he looks for in a new writer:

Whenever I get a new ms, here’s what I want to see: 1) Something different, a situation or character or voice that I haven’t seen hundreds of times before (or if they are familiar types, presented so damn well that I can’t resist them); 2) A sure command from the very first page – I want to feel immediately that the author knows what he or she is doing – if it’s wobbly, I’m just going to move on to another manuscript; 3) Something extra. This is hard to describe, because you only know it when you see it, but for me it’s a special intensity, a fierceness or passion that makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck.

I need to say a few words further on the subject of what I alluded to last night, about personal things going on for me at the moment. I still don't wish to get into this in any detail here, but...

Just at a time when I really need everything in my life (or at least as it ever does) to be going right, I feel everything's going wrong. One of my big issues is that I never quite feel I have a foundation beneath me that I can trust, so it's hard to dig my heels in and really start running because I'm always checking that the floor isn't going to open up beneath me.

As you know, I have an incredible opportunity full of possibilities in front of me right now. I really need my head to be in a good space, to feel that I can safely touch something fundamentall that I can trust...and push off from it. Like the wall of the pool when you're swimming.

Instead, I feel like everything's in danger of collapsing again. And as always, the things that other people-at least most of them-seem to able to count on without even thinking about I can't count on at all.

And, I note with a growing sick-feeling in my stomach...this is the fourth anniversary of my stint in Tennessee.

How nuts is Heather Mills?

Mills, Paul McCartney's soon-to-be ex-second wife, has been distinguishing herself by:

• Bad-mouthing him in the press-and threatening to continue to do so- claiming he's "tight with money"-he's only offered her somewhere in the neighborhood (reports vary) of 45 million pounds
• Accusing him of being a bad father who abused her
• Claiming that "huge powers" are against her
• Calling "999"-Britain's version of 911-multiple times over paparazzi, to the point where she became a nuisance and police had to ask her to stop
• Agreeing to appear on Dancing With The Stars.
• And even driving Paul away for his long-time label, for Pete's sake.

And, um...

A clutch of former friends allege that she was a hooker who sold her body to rich Arabs, and her stepfather has disputed the incredible coincidence in her autobiography that her late mother nearly lost her leg in a car crash years before the model suffered her own such injury.

Bizarrely, she accused the TV producer she jilted for McCartney of being a gay government spy intent on wrecking her anti-land mine campaign and even pretended to be a respected writer by proudly showing articles written by a journalist with the same name.

She also wrote that she slept in a cardboard box as a teenage runaway in London, while her puzzled stepfather said there was always a room for her in the family house.

But all that, and more, didn't really start me wondering just how nuts she really was until I read this: Even PETA doesn't want any part of her any more. How the fuck nuts do you have to be for PETA-not known for their well-thought-out, convincing, rational and clear arguments-to go You know what babe? You're making us look bad.

Another one of those all-too-rare moments when...

...I am proud to live in Washington State.

Student in hot water over Pledge

Kyle King's act of protest against the Iraq war was silent.

When other students stood up to salute the flag during Monroe High School's fifth-period music class, King would remain quietly in his seat.

The high school senior had declined to participate in the Pledge of Allegiance for about two years before his quiet demonstration got him into hot water with a teacher who insisted that King was bound by law to rise and recite the pledge with the rest of the class.

The teacher was mistaken. King's mother, Kelly King, found that out when she visited Monroe High's principal to complain about how her son was treated.

There's more which you should read. But dig how classy that protest was. It didn't disrupt or prevent any student who wished to salute the flag. It wasn't exhibitionistic like those murky-thinking college students who think mooning a paper mache doll of President Bush sends a clearly-worked-out political message.

It simply, quietly, and I think quite eloquently, said: I do not wish to salute the flag when my country is being led by criminals, liars and torturers carelessly sending men and women to die.

That's what I think it says, anyway. Your mileage (as King's) may vary.

Radio night

Another one of the things you probably get if you've been reading this blog for any period of time is that I'm on an emotional yo-yo pretty much seven days a week. Today has been a "down" day, mostly because I woke up after only six hours of sleep, but also because of a few personal things I don't wish to get into here.

However, around dusk I went out to return a DVD and do a little shopping. On the way home I had one of those great experiences when the radio plays what you need just when you need it and you pump up the volume...



BTW, I can't knock this band for carrying on after the loss of that poor dumb bastard singer of theirs...but they'll never be as big as they were in 1985-87. Not to me, and probably not to anybody else.

But I gotta thank them (and the universe) for giving me little moments like that. What else can I say?

Oh, my god.

Cowell Says He's Bigger Than Springsteen

Simon Cowell says he's bigger than The Boss. In an interview to air Sunday on CBS' "60 Minutes," the "American Idol" judge says he's worth five times more to Sony BMG than Bruce Springsteen.

"I sell more records than Bruce Springsteen, sure," Cowell says of the 57-year-old rocker, who signed a contract that was reported to be in the neighborhood of $100 million.

"I mean, in the last five years, I've probably sold over 100 million records. If (Springsteen) got one hundred (million dollars), I should have got five hundred (million dollars)," he says.

Ok. I never cared that much about Cowell in the past. I don't watch American Idol because their make of prefabricated pop stars, by and large, doesn't win my affection.

(I have no problem with prefabricated pop stars as a rule: I own several Monkees albums and I'm not ashamed of that fact. I thought the Spice Girls were dumb but only in the best way. Even fucking N'Sync had as least one dance mix I liked. It's just AI's model I can do without 98 times out of 100.)

But his icon has fallen deep enough into the consciousness that I know his persona is, I'm sure he wouldn't mind me saying so, a douchebag. And he's making a wonderful living being that way. Fine.

Bruce Springsteen doesn't exactly get my wheels turning either, but he's someone I respect. I can tell he's a great showman, I think he tries to use the riches rock has brought him for good things, and I don't begrudge him any of it. I just don't get the urge to sing along to Born In The USA that much anymore.

And...no doubt it's the fact I was just rereading Love All The People that's got this lodged in my skull. Bill Hicks had several wise sayings on the subject of artists vs. salesmen. But can Simon Cowell really not see the difference between selling eight to nine million records as an artist (which Springsteen did with his breakthough Born To Run album, for example) and selling 100 million as a salesman?

Especially at night...At least there's pretty lights...

Let the worry and neurosis begin.

Great. A concert tour that absolutely no one who isn't already aware of gay rights issues is going to go see

Cyndi Lauper, Erasure and Debbie Harry will anchor a summer tour of 15 North American cities designed to raise awareness of gay-rights issues.

The True Colors trek, which begins June 8 at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, will also include the Dresden Dolls, the Gossip and the Misshapes, along with host Margaret Cho.

"This tour was created to celebrate our differences by raising awareness for liberty, fairness and dignity for everyone -- not just some of us," Lauper said in a statement. "Our fans can come out to celebrate a great cause while also hearing some great music."

You know, I love a lot of these groups. Some of them are pioneers. But do they really have any kind of fanbase which needs their awareness of gay-rights issues raised? And as if that weren't enough to winnow out the ranks of those who still have some residual homophobia in their veins, check this out:

Rufus Wainwright, the Indigo Girls and Rosie O'Donnell will make special appearances throughout the tour, which is sponsored by gay/lesbian TV network Logo.

My feelings on the Indigo Girls and Rosie O'Donnell (and Margaret Cho) range from not really seeing the appeal, not to my taste, to absolute hate. But I think I can feel safe in saying none of them has a single fan who needs their awareness raised.

If you're a fan of any and/or all of those artists...and in at least one case I use the word loosely...you're probably overconcerned with gay-rights issues, if possible.

The Human Rights Campaign, for which this tour will be in benefit, is a worthy charity, I hope it raises lots of money and I'm sure it will. But let's not pretend anyone is going to leave feeling any more pro-gay than they were when they walked in.

If they wanted to impress me, and more importantly have a chance to raise the awareness of those who need it, they'd get someone like Justin Timberlake who actually has fans outside the pro-gay population.

Richard Jeni

I haven't had anything much to say about the recent and obviously tragic loss of comedian Richard Jeni, nor will I.

I simply didn't know his work well enough to be a big fan. Though I do remember catching at least part of one of his HBO specials and a Tonight Show appearance or two and finding him funny, for me personally it was never to the extreme that made me want to seek out his performances and other appearances.

But I'm always saddened when someone choses to take their own life. And frankly a little frightened when that life seems, from an outside perspective, to have had so much in it that you'd think would be rewarding.

On that topic, his official homepage has statements from his family and a friend that I thought should be shared.

You'll Never Get (The) Rich(es)

Missed the premiere of "The Riches" Monday night (though it seems to have gotten off to a good start in the ratings without me). If you don't know the idea of the series., here's something quick that'll bring you up to speed.

Corey took to it and thinks it's really good, so I tried the rerun this morning. The following is slightly revised from an e-mail I just sent him:

I thought it was good, not great. I like that it seems to be more complex than the ads made it seem; that you can't necessarily describe it in 30 words or less. I'm a bit worried about whether it'll be able to maintain the pace and tone-there are sinkholes all around-but I'd definitely watch another episode. Maybe more.

Particularly well-acted and directed, I thought, with Eddie Izzard especially strong. I didn't think Minnie Driver was always as great, but perhaps her work will grow on me. Some of it is not her fault as much as the writer's choice-the heroin addiction seems like it could get tired really fast.

Shannon Marie Woodward (far right), who plays the older daughter, was also a standout in my opinion.

I noticed the way she watches the other characters when they're talking, as though she's really listening to and thinking about what they're saying.

This is one of the signs of a good actress, to me.

Also, for those of you interested, in looks she's very very very very close to Keitha. Even down to some of her costumes-though maybe not so much the one above (A pink-and-gold skirt? Keitha would kill me if I even so much as thought of putting her in one of those).

And in the "TV is such a small world" department, Noel Fisher, who plays the older son, was the 15-year-old patient who committed suicide in front of Huff in the pilot of that series and another cast member, Gregg Henry, plays Rory's boyfriend's dad on "Gilmore Girls."

A possible hooray

A comic strip gag I've always remembered from when I was a kid was in, I think, Beetle Bailey. It showed one of the characters stopping to pick up his mail and calling out "A possible hooray! A possible hooray!"

Then another character explains to someone next to them, "He got one of those envelopes reading 'You may already be a winner."

The Literary Agency to which I sent my e-mail query yesterday has replied saying they would be happy to read a sample of my work.

This is not exactly getting the ball into the dragon's mouth at the end of the miniature golf game, yet. I mean, now I get to worry and be neurotic about preparing the sample (what fun).

But, it is, at least, step two. Maybe even step three. So...

A possible hooray! A possible hooray!

Steal some words, steal some tunes, Don't be shy, hit the hi-tech groove

A stolen stolen meme (pass it on):

How tall are you barefoot? 5 feet 8 inches (with the hair, 9)

Have you ever flown first-class? No, but I understand the peanuts are terrific.

One of your favorite books when you were a child? Mad Magazine paperbacks

A good restaurant in your city? I'm the wrong person to ask about restaurants, because basically if you can't get fries with your meal, I don't know about it. I prefer Burger King.

What is your favorite small appliance? Don't know that I have one, really. Maybe the knife I use to spread peanut butter on bread?

One person that never fails to make you laugh? Never fails? I don't know if anyone never fails. Chuck Jones, John Belushi, John Goodman, Mel Blanc, Bill Hicks, and Chris Rock have got to be on any short list, though.

One movie that literally never fails to make me laugh is Young Frankenstein.

First LP you ever bought? Probably the Ghostbusters soundtrack. Speaking of, Bill Murray should probably be on that short list too. So should Ghostbusters on a list of movies.

Do you do push-ups? I'm sorry, what?

What was one of your favorite games as a child? Scrabble.

When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? A Ghostbusting Jedi Knight Time Lord. Oh, like I was the only one.

Your favorite Soup of the Day? Never been much of a soup lover, really.

Have you ever met someone famous? I've been held by Joan Baez when I was a baby, shook hands and exchanged words with Condi Rice when she was at Stanford, met Lois Duncan in a bookstore, Mark Evanier at a con, Sergio Aragonés in a comic shop, Harlan Ellison at a few appearances and cons.

Date Of Birth? September first, 1971.

From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? The Daily Show and Colbert Report are the only TV "news" shows I watch regularly, the rest I find online.

Current worry? Outside the current political situation, you mean? That I'll never make much-or any-money doing all the cool things I can do.

Current hate? Republicans. Anime. Every stupid romantic comedy with a gay theme that gets made before my incredibly intelligent one does. Democrats when they act like jackasses. Eminem and the glorification of thugs. Paris Hilton-as Shakespeare's Sister says, just because I know who she is.

Favorite place to be? Home, wherever it is.

Least favorite place to be? Somewhere there's too much cigarette smoke and loud engines. Or Knoxville, Tennessee.

Do you consider yourself well organized? Bwa ha...bwa ha ha ha...ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...

Do you believe in an afterlife? I'm not so sure I believe in a BEFORE life...

Where do you think you will be in 10 Yrs? Smarter. Published and/or produced (again)

Do you burn or tan? Mostly tan but I would burn if I were ever in the sun long enough.

Are you more optimistic or pessimistic about the future? Let me put it this way. An optimist sees the glass as half full. A pessimist sees the glass as half empty, and knows he has colon cancer. (thank you, Dr, Katz)

What did you fear was going to get you at night as a kid? The Creep in Creepshow. (Letting me watch that movie alone at 11 years-old: Only one of the many things my mother shouldn't have done). Giant spiders.

What’s in your pockets right now? I'm not wearing pants right now. That's right, ladies.

Last thing that made you laugh? A Fraiser re-run this morning.

Worst injury you’ve ever had? Nothing bad so far, knock wood.

How many TVs do you own? One.

Best compliment received? Someone once told me I was brilliant when I was being bitchy...(it was after reading this review).

What leaves you speechless? I can't answer, I'm speechless.

What is your favorite book? Can't choose just one.

Last meal you cooked for the opposite sex? Probably a hot pretzel, years ago.

What were you doing at 12 midnight last night? Watching Leno and/or Letterman, switching back and forth.

Cross your fingers or send me something from my Amazon.com wish list for luck

I've just sent off my first e-mail query to an agent.

Oh, god

Here's a local story that...well if it affects you the way if affected me, it'll make you feel like laying down on your couch in something like a fetal position in contemplation of the face of true evil.

Pierce County investigators say at least two people ignored a woman's cries for help, and now she's dead.

One of those people was her boyfriend.

William Hart is now charged with manslaughter, accused of leaving his girlfriend Annette McGrath to die. Hart told police he and McGrath got into a shoving match at their Spanaway home Friday night.

It spilled outside, where Hart told police he pushed McGrath so hard, she fell back and hit her head on the garage.

According to court papers, he heard a "horrible noise" when her head hit, and she fell to the ground.

That's when Hart told police he went to the grocery to buy alcohol and his next day's lunch. Then he says he went to his father's house and watched TV.

There's more if you can take it. It gets so much worse than you can possibly imagine.

It's times like these I really wish Bill Hicks were alive.

"I do not believe the United States is well served by a policy that says it is OK to be immoral in any way...I believe homosexual acts between two individuals are immoral and that we should not condone immoral acts,"

-chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Marine Gen. Peter Pace, native of Brooklyn, N.Y., and a 1967 graduate of the U.S. Naval Academy.

...all these military guys and all the pundits "Seriously, aww the espirit de corps will be affected, and we are such a moral..." Excuse me!? Aren't y'all fucking hired killers?! SHUT UP! You are thugs and when we need you to go blow the fuck out of a nation of little brown people, we'll let you know. Until then... when did the fucking military get all these morals-"We are the military. Is that a village of children and kids? Where's the napalm? Sh-boom! I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids."

-Comic, social critic and Goat-boy Bill Hicks. Native of Houston. High school graduate.

May the Force be with me.

If you've been reading this and/or my old blog for a reasonable period of time, you probably know that I have a certain...ambivalence when it comes to Star Wars.

I was five years old the year Star Wars (not "A New Hope," bitches) came out. It was BIG in my life. I saw it 20 times in the theater plus I don't know how many on cable/video/network TV since then.

And I'm pretty okay with the idea that some things in the Star Wars adventures really don't need to do much more than look pretty badass (two words: Boba Fett). I don't even mind comic book (and not in the best way) things like the Ewoks...that much.

But I think Episode 1 — The Phantom Menace was an insult to the intelligence and I look with disdain at most of the tie-in novels, comic books and such. I particuarly resented being told by a fan or two that I needed to read said novels, comic books and such to understand who some characters in the prequels were.

I see this as little more than George Lucas' attempt to separate more cash from more brain-dead "collectors." And I do get a little sick of references to the series passing for dialogue in films made by overage fanboys (Kevin Smith, I'm looking at you).

However.

This is incredibly cool.

Something to do until Stephen Colbert's flavor comes in

You Are Strawberry Ice Cream

A bit shy and sensitive, you are sweet to the core. You often find yourself on the outside looking in. Insightful and pensive, you really understand how the world works. You are most compatible with chocolate chip ice cream.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

I've never really liked strawberry ice cream all that much, but the description isn't bad. Although, if I really understand how the world works...shoot me.

Of course, of course

Which horse breed best relates to your personality?

Andalusian: You're the perfect mix of business and fun. Your natural talent and grace often puts you in the spotlight and your friends often use that to their advantage. You're definitely not one to fade into the crowd, in fact your unique beauty and/or character make you stand out. You may be a bit of a dreamer, but you've got the determination to put those dreams into action.

Dreams into action? Wouldn't you just know that if I was going to be a horse, the description would turn out to have a reference to a certain "spiky-haired imp" synth-pop musician?

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Once again, you lot who read them will have to tell me how good this is...

Which Hogwarts house will you be sorted into?

Random Flickr-Blogging: IMG_6534 BONUS

That's the sexiest T-shirt I've ever seen in my whole entire life.

(Image stolen from Tom's fine contribution, on the moral grounds that some things are so good they must be shared)

Well, if there's anyone severely qualified to know about undermining troops, he's the guy.

Anti-war lawmakers in Congress are "undermining" U.S. troops in Iraq by trying to limit President Bush's spending requests for military operations in Iraq and Afghanistan, Vice President Dick Cheney said Monday.

You don't suppose that whole "not-exactly-being-greeted-as-liberators" thing could do that, do you?

BTW, the Associated Press-that well-known bastion of liberalism-dropped the ball all over this story. It's almost a textbook example of why people like me have lost almost all our faith in the so-called "credentialed" media.

Take a look at that first paragraph.

"Anti-war lawmakers." No, there are no-or very few-"anti-war lawmakers" in Congress. There are a lot of lawmakers-and even more of a country-who know that this criminal war needs to be ended ASAP. Because our leaders cannot be trusted to run it. That is not the same thing.

Now dig the second paragraph.

Hitting out at lawmakers who profess to back the troops but oppose Bush's plans in Iraq, Cheney said proof of their commitment would come as they consider legislation to provide nearly $100 billion for the rest of this year's costs of the wars.

Emphasis mine. Get that? Two paragraphs in, and this AP story is saying that if you don't trust Bush-for some reason-you're only pretending to care about the lives of the troops.

"When members of Congress pursue an anti-war strategy that's been called 'slow bleeding,' they are not supporting the troops, they are undermining them," Cheney said in a speech to the American Israel Public Affairs Committee.

"...that's been called slow bleeding." Yeah, it's been called that...by Republicans. As Media Matters has documented, "slow bleeding" is a label that was invented by a Republican and exclusively used by Republicans. Who then at least muddy, and at worst flat-out lie, about the truth of its origins.

Am I being hopelessly naive to think that's the sort of the thing the press-Associated or not-should keep up on?

This one, however, is my favorite:

Speaking before a packed crowd at the Washington Convention Center, Cheney said it was one of several disturbing "myths" that one could support the troops and at the same time not give them what their commanders say they need to win.

Now...given what we now know about the lack of armor provided to the troops, which is so bad that parents are having to raise money to provide it themselves. And the fact that from the beginning we went into this war with less troops than the commanders said they needed to win.

Can you think of any reason why for saying such things, Dick Cheney shouldn't be forced to get all his health care from now on at Walter Reed, before moving to Guantanamo? Me, neither. But the Associated Press just reports it like if the Vice-President said something, it must be true.

Caption this photo

"Now children, let me tell you about the heck of a job my husband's administration did after Hurricane Katrina. Once upon a time, in New Orleans..."

Add your own in the comments.

Random Flickr-blogging 6534

Angie had decided that her trouble with meeting men was that she was simply too subtle.

Credit

Well, that's certainly a relief

'THIS IS NOT Luke Skywalker here," said Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.), discussing his friend and Senate colleague John McCain's second run for the presidency. "This is a totally different campaign."

Graham was looking for a way to reassure his fellow conservatives that they no longer had anything to fear from McCain. His choice of metaphor is one of those windows into the fundamental cultural gap that separates hard-core conservatives from the rest of humanity. To most people, who think of Luke Skywalker as a hero battling an evil and immensely powerful empire, Graham's implication would be seen as an unmitigated insult. In the world of the GOP elite, though, it's a form of praise: No, no, don't worry, McCain's with the empire now.

That column goes on to observe that McCain, the "good" "maverick" "straight-talking" republican, has made himself over into a pandering, flip-flopping joke of a man who doesn't deserve anyone's trust.

Much the same thing I've been saying here for months if not years.

Schickel is right:

No one should waste their time blogging, since it is an unpaid activity and no one other than your mother and maybe a cousin or two will be reading it.

You probably only want to watch this if you love electropop as much as I do

But if you do, this is awesome. I once told you there was a time in my life when if you asked me who I would want to be if I could be anybody besides myself I would have said: Daryl Hall. That was around 1984.

A couple of years later I moved on to the lead singer of this band. If I'd had the confidence I totally would have adopted his style in high school. Actually, after I dyed my hair red, when I was about 17 I fancied I looked a bit like him but that was probably delusion.

A bit like who? Oh, sorry. Tom Bailey. With the Thompson Twins. Live in Liverpool, 1983.

If you don't know how wonderful this is I don't want to know you, really.

So happy I could amuse you all.

A blogger named Maisha thinks I'm funny.

There goes my love rocket red.

Pop Will Eat Itself proving some videos don't need a budget, and some songs don't need samples and sequencers.

Suddenly it's all so clear.

So you want to make a terrible movie (without actually shooting in Canada). Casting, press and promotion reminders.

Kate Winslet is a woman of many virtures

Beyond having the most desirable body in Britain (and this is not just my opinion)...

...and being a multiple Oscar-nominee...she's just the best.

Oscar-nominated actress Kate Winslet has donated libel damages she won over a magazine report saying she sought help for a weight problem to an eating disorder charity.

"I am not a hypocrite. I have always been, and shall continue to be, honest when it comes to body/weight issues," she said in a statement.

The star's lawyer said the article wrongly claimed she sought help with her weight from an LA doctor. She has previously gone on record as saying she would not bow to Hollywood pressure to be skinny.

What's The Connection?

Okay. You know how if you purchase and/or review things on Amazon, they occasionally send you e-mails of similar items they're hoping you'll buy from them as well? I don't mind this at all, actually.

Though I've rarely if ever bought something based on their recommendations, it has led me to order a book or two from the library that I might otherwise not have tried.

They also give you a little note saying "Recommended because you purchased or rated..." And I can usually understand the logic.

I reviewed Ed McBain's final novel, so they recommend new editions of his work. Ditto for having reviewed Simon Callow's book on Orson Welles-I get recommendations for other books about Welles or other figures who worked in and/or against the Hollywood system.

All makes sense, right? Fine. See if you can understand these:

Four years ago, I purchased from Amazon a two-disc best of Hall & Oates collection. I enjoy it to this day (almost literally-I was listening to it just yesterday or the day before).

But I'm at a loss as to understand why this purchase would lead them to believe I might also be interested in the Pirates of the Caribbean - Dead Man's Chest (Two-Disc Special Edition) DVD.

Similarly, I reviewed the book Fools Rush In : Steve Case, Jerry Levin, and the Unmaking of AOL Time Warner.

What about this led to my being recommended a book described as "designed to help you grab hold of a God-centered life?"

Is it me, or could Evel Knievel not make that leap (to paraphrase Bill Engvall)?

You know what you wouldn't think would be hard to find...

A list of best selling young adult books by year.

That is to say, not the best selling young adult books of all time, or the best selling young adult books right now. Which are all I can find after trying a handful of different variations on search terms.

But say I wanted to know what the young'uns of 1986 or 1987 were most likely to be reading, which in fact I do.

Oh, and a couple of sites gave me the Newberry and Caldecott award-winners, which is nice but tends to be the books librarians thought we should be reading, not always the ones we were.

Any ideas?

There's an obvious joke to be made here...

Brazil Police Battle Bush Protesters

Police clashed Thursday with students, environmentalists and left-leaning Brazilians protesting a visit by President Bush and his push for an ethanol energy alliance with Latin America's largest nation.

The obvious joke, of course, is something along the lines of the Brazilians desire to get rid of Bush being well-known. Fortunately for you all, I have too much good taste to make such a joke. I cannot promise you that Jon Stewart and the rest of those scamps at The Daily Show will be as restrained.

And, by the way...

Asked about the protests, White House spokesman Gordon Johndroe said Bush "enjoys traveling to thriving democracies where freedom of speech and expression are the law of the land. He has a positive agenda here that we believe the people of Brazil and the rest of the Americas will benefit from."

From which we believe the people of Brazil and the rest of the Americas will benefit, y'thick ya...

Okay, the Ann Coulter thing.

As you may have heard, the not-at-all-insane Republican bootlicking extremist and cynical opportunist Ann Coulter recently thought that it would be great fun to throw around the word "faggot."

I admit, I wasn't particuarly stunned or outraged because, y'know, it's Ann Coulter. She's a not-at-all-insane Republican bootlicking extremist and cynical opportunist and I don't expect anything more from her.

Especially considering I know she's also the kind of hypocrite who has many gay friends in her personal circle, as recorded in David Brock's book. Yet speaks against the rights of gays and uses distasteful words for them in public.

What does stun me is that her use of the word actually seems to be having an impact, and that impact seems to be falling on her. To date since, four papers have dropped Coulter's syndicated column, and all have cited her comments on Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards as a factor.

Lord knows there are lots of other ways to criticize John Edwards. She could have, oh I don't know, called him a jackass. But instead, she chose to use a word that is denounced by true conservatives and liberal loyalists alike.

True conservatives think you just don't use that kind of language about a presidential candidate, no matter what party they're from. And we liberal loyalists, well, we just don't like the use of the word in most contexts.

None of the papers that dropped her are in parts of the country usually thought of as bastions for gay-rights advocates or liberalism in general. They include Lancaster Pa, Shreveport, Louisiana, Michigan, and (I'm as shocked as you are) Sevierville, Tenn.

So go figure. It seems to be becoming clear that some words are just not acceptable in our public discourse and "faggot" is one of them.

This is called evolution.

Oh, to be named Jake

[Anne Hathaway] told radio station Heart: "Sometimes you work with actors, and they can be lovely guys, but they have kind of dodgy instincts when it comes to kissing in scenes. "They want to try to make it look a bit too real if you know what I mean. With James [McAvoy], right before we started he turned to me and said 'closed mouths, no tongue' and that's what I normally say to people - so it was a pleasure."

Anne then cheekily added: "There was this scene in Brokeback Mountain where I get my kit off and I'm in the car with Jake Gyllenhaal and he's touched my shoulder and he's touched my stomach and he's touched around my back. Everywhere except for, you know, 'the girls'. So the director yells cut and we go behind a screen and I'm putting my clothes back on and Jake comes up to me and says: 'Annie, the thing is, the scene, in real life I would… and the director's not yelling cut, so… can I?' I just turned to him and said: 'It's okay Jake, yes, you can touch my boobs.'"

Via ohnotheydin't.