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Saturday, July 30, 2005

This is the funniest thing I've seen in weeks

Amanda Marcotte found a so-creepy it's funny article on another one of those "ex-gay" ministries. Herewith we have a few of the tips offered on how gay man can stay straight and true.

Responses are by a blogger named Anne Zooks (in italics), Amanda (in bold), and one or two other guest commentators (in regular text).


men need to become “hard and masculine” in order to be able to enjoy the soft, mushy feel of a woman. In order to become firmer it is all right for a man to work out a little bit, he said, just don’t work out too much.
Mushy? On behalf of non-oatmeal women everywhere, hey!




A man should also have three years of celibacy,” he said, “and have been free of pornography and masturbation for some time.
The theory being, I guess, that after three years of celibacy, the gay man in question will be so horny that any human touch will do. And maybe that does work the first night of marriage, but good luck after that.



“What should be done if a man begins to have same-sex fantasies while making love to his wife?”
An eager participant in the audience said he and his wife pray whenever they make love.


Because if a woman doesn't arouse him, then I'm sure the thought of god watching him try to have awkward, un-satisfying sex with a woman will



physical intimacy should proceed slowly, and it is best to wait until marriage to experiment with deep kissing.


Annabel: How come we never experiment with deep kissing?
Keitha: Shut up.


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