Heidi Montag needs to be dropped from a high story window

Nothing below the third floor, please.

You may wonder what brought this on. I mean granted, Montag is an annoying "celebrity" with all the apparent wit and taste of shampoo (not the girl group).

But there are certainly other celebrities of whom this is true. However, now...hating Montag has become personal. See, I made the mistake of checking out video of her..."singing" at a beauty pageant.

My defense: Somebody said the song reminded them of a single like from the '80s. Well, there's a reason: It's built around samples from a Yazoo song.

And not just any Yazoo song... "Situation," one of the great electronic dance/pop songs. Sorry about the annoying ad(s) in the below video, but this is still the best version of their song I could find on YouTube.



I'll say it again, slowly. Some studio hack (or hacks) thought butchering a music track by synth pioneer Vince Clarke (only the Keith Richards of techno-pop) would be a good idea.

Someone(s) thought replacing vocals by a singer as soulful and happy as Alison Moyet with Heidi Montag would be a good idea, for crying out loud.

Here is her "song" strictly for illustrative purposes.

I urge you to bail out before Spencer starts his horrible attempt at "rapping" (around 2:20)



As you can see...I have no choice but to kill her.

(Should any police be looking in, let me just say, etc etc etc, that of course I won't be and have no intention of killing her.)

(However, should I ever have the opportunity to vote her into a Tennessee prison*, there's no telling what I might do.)

*(Which really should be a reality show at some point.)