Maggie Betts in Bill Blass

Zani Gugelmann in Zac Posen

"time in a bottle" sung by a Muppet

I used to have this song on "The Very First Second Muppet Show Cast Album."

Eight more things you may or may not know about me

The Red Queen, AKA Eliza, tagged me to do the 8 things meme again.

Here's da rules

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged and that they should read your blog.
5. 8 is a magic number. Not three.

So......

1. My play The Girl in the Boat has in it a young woman who is engaged to a soldier but sleeps with another man. It was first produced the week we went to war on Iraq.

2. I know two women from London, but it's not the same London.

3. I had my first kiss at the school where they filmed the orphanage scenes in Escape to Witch Mountain.

4. I once got totally busted by someone driving in the next lane when I pulled up to a stoplight singing along to the bridge to "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" ("There's a room where the light won't find you...") with my window open.

5. I've seen Star Wars (not "A New Hope," bitches) in the theater at least 20 times.

6. I've had two kinds of sex with an "adult film" star.

7. My favorite new discovery of the week: Green apple bites, bags of pre-sliced green apples sold in the produce section of Safeway.

8. I get to hang out with my nephew for a few hours this evening!

For tags: PJ, Johnny B, Generik, Jen (and no whining!), Becca, Nash, George and Mana.

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Lisa Loeb: Do not adjust your horizontal hold

Mother of god, Sarah Polley is 28 years old. I feel like a coward.

Wow. Maybe I could have known when I saw Polley in The Adventures of Baron Munchausen 19 years ago that she would grow up a beautiful woman.

Maybe I even, if my crystal ball had been very clear that day, could have guessed she would become a director and writer of her own films.

But there is no way on green earth I could have known she would make a film like Away From Her. Polley's direction is sure handed, the script (based on a short story by Alice Munro) is witty and emotional, and the performances are beautiful from top to bottom.

I mean that quite literally. Julie Christie and her upfront co-stars have drawn praise, and rightly so. There's scarcely a false moment to be found from them, except those whose characters are choosing to be false.

But there's also a phenomenal performance by a low-billed young woman named Nina Dobrev (of Bulgarian descent) who only has one scene--plus one deleted from the main film. Her face is new to me, but apparently she's an alumnus of Canada's long-lived Degrassi dramas.

(I need to explain the above photos-Dobrev is the woman at left, at right is an actress named Emmanuelle Chriqui, who has nothing to do with this film. It's just that the best image I found of Dobrev was on this "strange resemblance" blog.

Personally I don't think there is much of a resemblance, strange or otherwise.)



If I were a Canadian, this movie would make me proud.

Come to think of it, I’m a writer and it does anyway.

Julianne Moore in Viktor&Rolf

By the resolution, I was openly rooting for the killer.

So there's this thing called an idiot plot, frequently cited by critics including Harlan Ellison and Roger Ebert.

It was coined, if memory serves, by Arthur Knight.

The definition is

a plot that hangs together only because the characters behave like idiots

The movie Disturbia is the most perfect feature-length illustration of this concept I think I have ever seen in my life. Plus glopped-on "tension" music, shot-for-shot predictability, and lead characters I hated.

This has been a review.

Speaking of grace

stars and how they are held together

Zooey Deschanel in Zac Posen

Rome wasn't built in a day. but now it's a ruin, the joke has worn thin. and it isn't cool to abuse the ability to swing.

This evening I had one of those experiences which tells you what kind of man you are.

At least several weeks ago-probably months-my mother's partner's son, who lives in Thailand, came for a visit. He brought everyone little "blessed Buddha" pendants, small carvings that were blessed by an actual Buddhist priest, then encased in plastic.

I liked wearing mine. For reasons I've described as "part spiritual placebo, part fashion," but I did genuinely like wearing it. Then the cord I used to tie it around my neck broke.

So, I attached it to my key chain, which I thought was very jaunty. Then the little metal loop that attached it to the key chain broke.

My first interpretation of the symbolism of this was that grace kept falling away from me. Then Sarah, my therapist, suggested it was more that it needed to keep moving around. I liked her interpretation better.

So I've been carrying this around in my pocket for awhile, and tonight I went to a supply store-the kind that smelt of Patchouli oil-to have the cord replaced. They sold cord by the foot, and I bought about three feet, which cost 51 cents. I gave the girl behind the counter a dollar.

She gave me change for a $10.

I thanked her, walked quickly to my car and drove away, cackling evilly.

That's the sort of man I am.

Seriously, I laughed for what felt like at least the next five minutes. I looked at it as the universe giving me a gift-I go in to buy a piece of cord and make a profit of almost $10. And I was really starting to feel entertained by myself and impressed by it all.

Then I was startled by a car poking its nose out of a driveway. And I said to myself-I really did-"This is a sign from the universe. We do not strut."

I keep thinking of the scene from Karate Kid-a movie that has always stayed with me-where Pat Morita steals a belt for Ralph Macchio for the tournament. And when Macchio asks him where it came from:

Buddha provide.

Famke Janssen in black leather. What more do you want from me?

Whoa.

Why, Dr. Cameron, I had no idea...

I wrote a blog entry last year about the Abstinence Clearinghouse

Letters, oh we get letters...

A glass-art fan called Libby sent a note querying me on this blog entry.

Specifically, the entry was about their sponsorship of something they call "the Father-Daughter Purity Ball."

(the picture of Alicia Witt doesn't have anything to do with anything...she's just nice to look at)

Libby writes:

so are you against abstinence or is the part about parents passing down their values that you find so "sickening"?

My thoughts have been added to the original entry...

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And the daily Irony award goes to...

...according to this quiz, the current TV girl I most resemble is...Liz Lemon, of "30 Rock." I'd just like to say that none of the girls (or ahem, women) on the TV shows I actually watch seem to have been a possible result...

there are some limits even to what green can accomplish

See?

Mild observation

Sara Bareilles's breakthrough song doesn't quite hit me the right way, but she's a lovely young woman.

You make me dream, Eyes wide open...You make me believe again In true love

(oil on linen painting by Will Cotton)

Holy crap. It happened again.

Soad Hosny

Close my eyes She's somehow closer now Softly smile, I know she must be kind When I look in her eyes She goes with me to a blossom world

I`ll stand guard And keep the wolves at bay Watch the fire While you dream away Earned a rest I know you worked all day And everybody needs a holiday

Oh, boy...oh, dear lord in heaven..."even a portion of her chin and kneecap"

So there's this thing called The Literary Review Bad Sex in Fiction Awards.

to ‘draw attention to the crude, tasteless, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel, and to discourage it.

Follow the above link, if you're a writer and want to feel good about your own work...

Her hand opened me. Then her hand became a wing. Then everything about me became a wing, a single wing, and she was the other wing, we were a bird. We were a bird that could sing Mozart. … I was a she was a he was a we were a girl and a girl and a boy and a boy, we were blades, were a knife that could cut through myth, were two knives thrown by a magician, were arrows fired by a god, we hit heart, we hit home, we were the tail of a fish were the reek of a cat were the beak of a bird were the feather that mastered gravity were high above every landscape then down deep in the purple haze of the heather were roamin in a gloamin in a brash unending Scottish piece of perfect jigging reeling reel can we really keep this up?

...if you want a good laugh...

Her vagina was all that, as they say in the urban media – a powerful ethnic muscle scented by bitter melon, the breezes of the local sea, and the sweaty needs of a tiny nation trying to breed itself into a future.

...if you want to see the context in which "silicon-lined vaginas" is used...


...or if your own sex life is just bad and you'd like to feel better about it.

Had she pulled on the wrong thing? Had she gripped too tight? He gave out a wail, a complicated series of agonised, rising vowels, the sort of sound she had heard once in a comedy film when a waiter, weaving this way and that, appeared to be about to drop a pile of towering soup plates.

In horror she let go, as Edward, rising up with a bewildered look, his muscular back arching in spasms, emptied himself over her in gouts, in vigorous but diminishing quantities, filling her navel, coating her belly, thighs, and even a portion of her chin and kneecap in tepid, viscous fluid.

Lily Allen in Giles Deacon

It's bad that on some level I think this is good, isn't it?

underrated actress and sexy babe Charisma Carpenter has split with her husband. Clearly, I am now in with a chance.

(Better check the dosages on that ol' medication, Varkentine)

Beautiful.

	You're meant for a job that is... Spiritual
You are a spiritual person who can easily feel at one with your surroundings. You are tranquil and calm and spend a lot of time with your thoughts. Your perfect job matches are: Yoga instructor, religious leader, psychologist, baker
'What job are you meant for?' at QuizGalaxy.com

If they cast Keeley Hazell as "Number Two" in the much-discussed film of "The Prisoner," I, for one, will go to the Village quietly.

(This one's for Gordon Dymowski)

Thank you god who made the sun in the morning.

Anne Hathaway in a bikini.

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CEL-e-brate good times, come on!

On ComingSoon.net...

NBC has picked up the freshman dramas "Chuck" (Mondays, 8-9 p.m. ET) and "Life" (Wednesdays, 10-11 p.m. ET) for nine more episodes -- or the balance of the 2007-08 season -- it was announced today by Ben Silverman, Co-Chairman, NBC Entertainment and Universal Media Studios.

"'Chuck' and 'Life' stand out in a crowded TV landscape because they are smart, well-produced series with incredibly talented casts," said Silverman. "Both shows are hitting their stride creatively, have developed loyal audiences and offer unlimited potential to grow throughout the season."

Silverman, I'm going to take back some of the things I've said about you. You may not be the total jackoff that I had assumed. I apologize.

From Rand Ravich (The Astronaut's Wife), Far Shariat (Confessions of a Dangerous Mind), and Dan Sackheim -- who directed the pilot of NBC's "Heroes" -- "Life" is a first-year drama about a detective who is given a second chance. Damian Lewis ("Band of Brothers") stars as complex, offbeat Detective Charlie Crews, who returns to the force after years in prison, thanks to close friend and attorney Constance Griffiths (Brooke Langton), after serving time in prison for a crime he didn't commit.

Langton (above) is replacing Melissa Sagemiller.

Proving once again that "everything is connected to everything else," she also has had a recurring part on "Friday Night Lights."

overlooking great bodies

...of water.

There must be some misunderstanding. There must be some kind of mistake

I've actually never seen the 1996 Danes-DiCaprio version of Romeo + Juliet. I'm a big fan of the '60s version, though that's not why I haven't seen the newer. I've also rarely thought Claire Danes was the charm-kitten some seem to think she is.

All of the above notwithstanding, I do like this picture.

No, by the way, all the portraits are not of women

Here's a good page or three of high-scoring photos in a Flickr group called "Rate My Portrait," the meaning of which should be self-explanatory. And here's a few of my own favorites.

You've all wondered: "Is there such a thing as too much green for Ben?"

Now you know.

Shirley Manson almost makes bulimia look hot

You can just enjoy this delicious image of yes, another naked woman. Or...

Yesterday, my friend Jen called me and asked, "What's with all the naked women [on this blog]?" A fair question. It occurs to me that some of you, indeed, may want more than that. So now I offer you a choice.

You can just enjoy this delicious image of yes, another naked woman. Or you can read a really, really dysfunctional poem on the blog where I found the image, written by a person who I think may be the above pictured woman herself.

The choice is yours.

A brilliant idea.

A hot young thing in the wrong place at the wrong time who ends up in the slammer...and finds that it's never been so right.

The seemingly cold law enforcement officer that brought her in. She's locked up her feelings, deeper than any cell...but is just waiting for someone to pick the lock.

Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Jennifer Lee Wiggins.

Jailhouse Love.

I'm a genius! The movie writes itself! We'll make 200 million!

God bless you, Dr. Robert Cade

Dr. Cade, the inventor of Gatorade, died at the age of 80. I like that product.

Nicole Kidman in Givenchy

I think I morally disapprove.

The following started out as another Amazon review, this time of the Juliana Beasley book, called "Lapdancer," mentioned a week-and-a-half ago. But it got a little personal so I thought I'd just make a post of it here.

To tell you the truth I've never really been in a strip club, but the book captures...what I think it must be like. Some of the photographs are sexy, yes, but after a while, certain realism sets in.

One or two of the best pictures are the ones where you seem to see the women really making connections-with themselves, with the photographer, but certainly never with a customer.

The recurring theme is that everyone is looking for that connection or support (even if that support is financial). But in a way which...I don't want to sound like a prude, but the word that leaps to mind is "dehumanizes." And I think I morally disapprove.

I don't think that if I morally disapprove of something, it should be illegal for anyone else, but I think I morally disapprove. I morally disapprove of the selling of human contact.

I didn't know that about myself.

For the record, if I had posted this review on Amazon I would have given the book five stars. I figure any book that gives me such a revelation deserves it.

Faces

For any of you who may think there's a little too much of an emphasis on women's bodies around this blog today, I hope these will find your favor.

This portrait of Alexis Bledel blows my mind.



This image of Gabrielle Anwar...I don't know if I can explain this right but I think I like it because, in it, she looks like she could really be your girlfriend. I mean, like a real person.



And finally, as you know if you've been reading this blog for more than a week, I have a lot of fun with Jennifer Love Hewitt (not as much as I'd like...).

But I choose to take the high road in this, commenting on things other than her breasts (perky though they are) since everyone else comments on them.

I like her eyes in this picture-even though I've never been quite sure if she's dumber or smarter than I think she is....

I'm not quite sure what this is, but I like it.

All together now...

"Climb...every...mountain!"

I just know a woman like this is going to kill me

Not a bad way to go, really.

Honesty, I don't know how this turned into "make jokes at Britney's expense" day...but...

Ok, you know that statue someone did of a naked, pregnant Britney Spears? Well...

I always suspected the sun shone from there

I like to think of this blog as maybe a more straightforward, definitely happier & more natural alternative to Girls Gone Wild

Other times, I'm absolutely SURE my favorite color is playing with my head

Questions men (straight ones, anyway) will never know the answers to

Why do women care so much about fashion when the most stylish thing they can ever wear is...