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Friday, January 6, 2006

I am frightened I’m a liar and I’m tortured by desire

Pam writes in her Blend that:
There are so many dreadful lesbian films out there -- some that I've seen at the Gay and Lesbian film festival have been laughably bad


And here I am with a script for a lesbian-themed romantic comedy that, damnit, I think is pretty wonderful if I do say so myself. And I don't know how to sell it. I don't even know if I want to, even though-literally-my first image of Keitha & Colley ever was to see them on a big screen.

But the process it takes to get them there means they would have to pass through so many hands. If just one person gets it wrong, say, oh I don't know, an amateur director or diva actor...

Having made it through Tennessee (but not unchanged)...I don't want to know how it would make me feel to see someone hurt these characters/this story. Aw, screw it, I don't even know why I'm blogging about this...except that I've been having a real bad week in terms of shaken confidence. Confidence that my script is any good or that even if it is, I'll be able to sell it.

I am frightened I'm a liar, that it's not, that I'm not, as good as I think it is/I am. And I'm tortured by desire because all I want to do is get these characters and their relationships and their story out of my head and into other people's.

The frustration between the two sometimes feels like it's grinding me to dust.

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