Isn't that rich.

Michael Richards has found an understanding buddy in the Hollywood community, someone who understands that these things happen. That buddy? Mel Gibson. After all, they are brothers under the hood, whoops I mean skin.

A quick something I want to get off my chest

Fox is running an utterly ludicrious promo teaser for the upcoming season of 24. It centers around the slogan "America Doesn't Negotiate With Terrorists. Neither does Jack." Now-put aside for the moment that this is untrue from the perspective of reality.

We do negotiate with terrorists. Iran-Contra. The vile Rumsfeld shaking hands with Saddam Hussien, and the fact that we sold chemical weapons to him. Oh, and we trained Bin Laden. But put that aside.

Even from within the context of the series, it's laughable, because on several occasions Jack has had to negotiate with terrorists.

So, you folks from Fox advertising who I know are looking in, please cut that out. It's annoying and stupid.

Thank you.

Get your mojo working.

Go and read my review of a new Bobby Darin DVD at Ink19

Compassionate conservatism

Via tristero:

At a private reception held at the White House with newly elected lawmakers shortly after the election, Bush asked Webb how his son, a Marine lance corporal serving in Iraq [emphasis mine-BV], was doing.

Webb responded that he really wanted to see his son brought back home, said a person who heard about the exchange from Webb.

"I didn't ask you that, I asked how he's doing," Bush retorted, according to the source.

Wow. That's all, just really: Wow.

So this is what it's come to, folks. This is who our president is, this is who the symbol of our country in the eyes of the world is...this is who we are. A man who can't even hear that a father would like to see his son brought home from a war-torn country without getting testy.

tristero reminds us that

This is the same man who reminisced about his hell-raisin' during a speech at the worst natural disaster in American history. This is the same man who, when, asked to name his greatest achievement while president, "joked" that it was when he caught a large fish in his fake pond on his Crawford estate - sorry, ranch. This is the same man who, when informed that a second plane had hit the World Trade Center in less than 10 minutes, sat reading "My Pet Goat" in a children's classroom. This is the same man who, in front of a supporter who he assumed wouldn't report it, mockingly imitated a woman about to be executed in his state.

All true. Except, isn't it really more clear than ever that when discussing George W. Bush, "man" is not the operative word?

Did you ever have the feeling that you forgot to do something before you went out?

"Let's see, I washed my hair, I did my makeup, I've got my energy drink, I've got my purse, I'm wearing a white belt against a black shirt, I've got my fishnets on and sexy shoes...what could I have forgotten? What?"

Source: Riding on the Metro.

I believe this is what they call taking advantage of a bride's good feelings

(Another from the Tree of Thoughts)

For those of you interested...

...here's my latest Amazon review.

Nothing lasts forever

ABC is pulling 'Nine,' for now

ABC has pulled "The Nine" from its schedule. The first-year serialized drama struggled to retain viewers of "Lost," which preceded it.

Ah well. I'm somewhat saddened, the series impressed me as always really good and sometimes phenomenally good but given the ratings, I can't say I'm surprised.

"The Nine," an ensemble series about a bank robbery's effect on hostages and other involved parties, will return to ABC at an as yet-to-be determined point, a network executive said

You'll understand if I don't hold my breath.

Okay, important question time.

Given this:

Britney: Paris [Hilton] is my role model

And this:

Pamela Anderson has filed for divorce from husband Kid Rock

Which of these things is more likely to happen first?

1. Release of Britney sex tape.
2. Release of Pamela Anderson/Kid Rock sex tape.
3. Release of Paris, Britney and/or unnamed male player sex tape.

Because the way I see it, we're on a countdown to one or another.

Random Flickr-Blogging: IMG_2343

Till that night, David had been wondering if his new deodorant was working.

Original

Things I've Found In Books

As I mentioned a couple of months ago, one of the things that somewhere between amuses and annoys me is when you get a book from the library and find that some thoughtful person has written little notes in it. A commentary, their own reaction to some of the wordage contained within.

So I'm reading David Thomson on The Alien Quartet, a book about the series of films starring Sigourney Weaver. Thomson is an...interesting writer. I haven't read his much-reprinted Biographical Dictionary of Film, but reportedly it contains few or no writers, so you know that pisses me off. And based on this and his more recent book about Nicole Kidman, he comes off as the very picture of the frustrated would-be director turned academic or reviewer.

He doesn't help himself in my eyes by his tendency to imagine on paper alternate, unmade films for his subjects. Lord knows I'm not saying Alien Resurrection was a creatively succesful movie or that every choice Kidman made has been wise. But...

If you're going to offer your own variation, with a sometimes-explicit but always implict air of superiority...you'd better be at least as much of a drama writer as, say, Tom Stoppard or Joss Whedon.

Note that I do not say "as good." Niether man did their best work on their Alien or Kidman projects, but they are drama writers. And Thomson isn't. He shows it with every paragraph he writes.

Not only that, he shows a kind of creepy preoccupation with his subjects as sexual (or sexualized) beings. Again, I'm not blind to the allure of Weaver or especially Kidman, and I won't deny the odd fantasy.

But Thomson's would be better off left on the wallscreen in his mind when all he can give us is a frentically imagined scene of the newly-cloned Ripley copulating madly with a scientist while being observed by a technician and nurse:

'Every man should have one like her'
'Or vice versa,' says the nurse.

I'll say a lot about what's wrong with the last two films in "The Quartet." Mainly, I think they've been on a probably-irreverible downhill slide ever since somebody made the stunningly idiotic decision to kill Newt.

But none of them contain such leaden dialogue and painfully obvious masturbatory material as Thomson does in his attempts to show why the movies could be so much better, if only someone would just please listen to him.

Which is why it was grimly satisfying to come to page 156 in this movie guide and find my thoughtful commentator asking on the margin:

"What the hell is wrong with this author and his moronic fetishes?"

A fair question.

This needs must be shared...

According to the weekly traffic report I get for my blog, my average visits per day has just reached...666. That's right, I am Beelzebub, the Devil.

My visits have quadrupled in recent weeks. I would have mentioned this as one of my "things to be thankful for."

Unfortunately, Site Meter also tells me this has less to do with any of my witticisms, and more to do with my having mentioned Jennifer Connelly, Sylvia Kristel, lesbians, Jessica Biel, and the cursed words Lindsay Lohan and no underwear...

Sex sells. Imagine that.

Lesbian, lesbian, lesbian (uh-oh).

The first of an (at least) two-part Boston Legal that aired last night is interesting and potentially worrisome. Taken at surface value it looks like-and on that level is-such an obvious example of The Cliche you could almost laugh, hollow though it might be.

In one of the episode's multiple storylines, a young woman is suspected of killing her-recently-ex-girlfriend. She claims innocence-but suffered a blackout after discovering (or killing) the body and before phoning a lawyer.

At the end of the episode, this along with an incidence of screaming in the office and some background information obtained from her therapist has caused Alan Shore to sadly conclude she's insane.

Meanwhile, the woman the deceased woman left her for seems weirdly unresponsive to the loss-she mouths pieties about love but does so in a detached, almost formal way. Later we learn that the dead woman hand-wrote a new will just a week before, leaving this new girlfriend everything.

That's one dead lesbian for sure, and two possible insane and/or evil ones. So why do I say this is only potentially worrisome? Well, part of it admittedly is because I like Boston Legal and don't want to see it fall into the old trap.

The episode was written by series creator David E. Kelley, so for better or for worse, it is what Boston Legal is meant to be. And he seems to be setting The Cliche up so blatantly that I have to/want to believe it's misdirection. Comic blowhard Denny Crane and a TV commentator both verbalized the gay=insane/evil belief system. Experience tells me we're in for one of Kelley's patented Alan Shore jury summations.

One of the reasons I like Boston Legal is that it is, for lack of a better term, "liberal Hollywood" at its best. Some of the speeches are practically Communistic by popular network TV standards-a fact which has caused ABC/Disney to lean on the producers once or twice.

Also, in its first season BL already did an episode that featured a lesbian couple in one of the cases and at the end of the episode, neither were dead, insane, or evil. The episode had some fun with them-but for once the fun was rarely if ever at the lesbians' expense.

Rather, it was had by contrasting the delight Alan Shore took in the case with the extreme discomfort felt by his square colleague Brad. As it happens, there's a short clip from that episode on YouTube that shows what I'm talking about:



So maybe I've got blinders on, in which case you may expect to see me hanging my head in shame on Tuesday night, when this story will be continued.

But for the moment I just want to call it potentially worrisome...but definitely interesting.

ETA a few quick words about the "non-lesbian" aspects of last night's episode: I'm oficially sick of Lincoln Meyer, a character I'll be glad to see the back of. But I'm sorrier to say the same is becoming true of Jerry "Hands" Espenson.

At least Lincoln is supposed to give me the willies. Jerry is intended to be-and in past episodes has been-a sympathetic recurring character. But he's recurred too often, and I've gone from delightfully crying "Hands!" when I see him in an episode to thinking oh no...not again, with an inward sigh.

Should David E. Kelley be asking me (unlikely), I'd say the time is nearing for another Alan & Denny "road" episode. I like most of the other characters--though I'd still be perfectly happy if Brad fell out of his window--but Denny is the bread and Alan the butter.

Or, given his proclivities in a recent episode, the maple syrup.

Kicks just keep getting harder to find (on Route 66)

So I saw Cars on DVD. I'm sorry to say that I really didn't like it. There have been plot holes in Pixar stories before, like Toy Story and (especially) Monsters Inc. But here the very conception of the film raised too many questions for me to willingly suspend my disbelief. Talking cars is one thing, but driverless ones? Then why do they exist?

Plus the limited-by-necessity design of the film stopped me from getting too into it. Toy Story could bring in any kind of toy. Even The Incredibles, which sets itself in a quasi-realistic (albeit cartoony) world had as much variety as there are kind of humans.

But...at the risk of sounding like a car bigot ("they all look alike to me"), a car is a car is a car. And there's only so much you can can do to put the breath of life in a car, and it's an idea probably better off not stretched to feature length.

For the first time in a Pixar film (and this is rare for me with any kind of cartoon), I found myself thinking more about the vocal performers than characters. This was not helped by their allowing Larry the Cable Guy (who otherwise actually did a fine job) to use a couple of his catchphrases.

This is something Pixar used to be better about. You didn't hear Tim Allen using lines from Home Improvement or Sam Jackson doing the bible-quote scene from Pulp Fiction as their Pixar characters.

But, suddenly Mater's spouting off with "That's funny right there, I don't care who you are, that's funny."

No it ain't. And neither, for the most part, in my (admittedly apparently minority) opinion, is this movie.

Questions To The Universe

In regard to David Evanier's* book on Bobby Darin. How the hell did he manage to mix up Gene Kelly with Donald O'Connor in referencing what is quite possibly the most famous movie musical scene of all time?












*Cousin of Mark.

For the 99% of you who didn't get a certain reference in my "thankful for" post...

Go here and all will be revealed. All together: Ra-ta-ta-tum-Army!...

But it plays with my emotions

The novel Loverboy was never going to make an easy transition to film, even with the right stars, director and script. Without any of those things, it never has a fighting chance.

The shorthand description of the plot might be, for those of you who know the movie & book World According to Garp: Imagine if Jenny Fields was crazy. In a bad way, not the good way that she is.

The book depends-like Endless Love, an even worse film of an even better book-on the interior monologue of its lead character for much of its power. And though the movie tries to make that come across through the use of voice-over, it really puts more weight on Kyra Sedgwick's performance than it can bear.

I don't mean to be unkind to Sedgwick, who has been good in movies like Born on the Fourth of July and Singles, and she's not even that bad here, just IMO miscast. But I'm not sure who the right casting would have been, and it seems likely it's not all Sedgwick's fault.

Sedgwick's husband Kevin Bacon (yes, that one), not incidentally, was the director. In the DVD commentary Bacon reveals he felt the ending of the book was ambiguous; it is not. I'm left to infer that he missed the bittersweet irony of the book's ending.

So they changed it. Bacon and a screenwriter ironically named Hannah Shakespeare did not help Sedgwick's performance with a script that wants to make her character sympathetic. The novel arguably succeds at this because we are inside the woman's head and, although we naturally condemn her actions, at least we feel we understand her motivations. And when we come to the end we feel she has-metaphorically-dug her own grave.

I won't reveal exactly how this is changed in the film for those of you who have not read the book, but they "lightened it up," to a degree that ends up making it unintentionally even more disturbing.

This is almost a caricature of the actor's classic mistake: To try to make your own part-or your wife's- sympathetic or sand down the rough edges of a piece, at the cost of losing its flavor.

And this film is a classic example of why, with certain obvious exceptions like Clint Eastwood, most actors shouldn't direct.

Give it up now baby, come on, come on, darlin.

You are The Magician

Skill, wisdom, adaptation. Craft, cunning, depending on dignity.

Eleoquent and charismatic both verbally and in writing,
you are clever, witty, inventive and persuasive.

The Magician is the male power of creation, creation by willpower and desire. In that ancient sense, it is the ability to make things so just by speaking them aloud. Reflecting this is the fact that the Magician is represented by Mercury. He represents the gift of tongues, a smooth talker, a salesman. Also clever with the slight of hand and a medicine man - either a real doctor or someone trying to sell you snake oil.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

PS: If anyone gets the reference in the headline I will be absolutely amazed, so leave a quick comment if you do.

Roger Ebert on Robert Altman

As I'd kinda suspected he might, the editor of Ebert's website has put together a selection of Ebert's reviews of Altman's films and interviews with the filmmaker over the years. It's worth reading.

That link'll lead you to a page of excerpts from each piece, from there you can follow links to read a review or interview in full if you so choose.

ETA: Said editor, Jim Emerson, has also added an appreciation of Altman to his own blog, Scanners.

That's enough to make you believe the old thing about stealing your soul

Original entry.

Things To Be Thankful For, 2006

As always, in no particular order:

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Okay, so it's not like this is a new thing. But in this past year or so I've really started to think about what an effect Douglas Adams' legendary multi-media piece had on me. It's one of things I quote so often you may not always be aware I'm doing it (I'm not even sure I am).

Kate Winslet. Even her eyebrows make me crazy.

John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, and Michael Palin.

Mad About You reruns.

My West Wing dvds.

Scritti Politti's new album (about which you'll be hearing more later). Having lately decided that the Pet Shop Boys and I need to go our separate ways, it's heartwarming to know someone from back in the day is still doing stuff I like.

Garry Trudeau.

For the one percent of you who will get this: THE KING! rat tat tat tat AIR FORCE! rat tat tat tat MARINES! rat tat tat tat DEPARTMENT OF THE SANITARY! BOOM!

The Dixie Chicks.

Finally discovering Sgt Bilko, thanks to Mark's blog.

Mark's blog.

My favorites from the Jay Ward studios, Mr. Peabody and Sherman.

Bill Sherman's blog.

My nephew. This weekend I spent a few hours with him, just the two of us. I took him to a park and two or three girls, some of them slightly older (he's four), were very nice about playing with him. While I of course tripped on the Keitha & Colley-ness of it all.

Keitha, Colley and Annabel.

Anne Hathaway. I am without words.

House and the fact that I triumphed over technology by learning to tape it while Veronica Mars is on.

Amber Benson.

Corey Klemow. For his support. For his being one of the only people I can talk geek with about Veronica, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip and Doctor Who (otherwise I'd just inflict more of it on you). For his constructive comments. For being fun to argue with because he doesn't seem to have anything to prove even when he's completely wrong and I'm completely right (such as about Bones).

Two series of books by two writers both called Simon: Simon Brett's Charles Paris novels, and Simon Callow's multi-volume Orson Welles biography.

Bob Black for all his help.

John Edwards. I get queasy at the thought of saying I even believe in such things as political heroes, but still: If I were endorsing anybody, it'd be him.

Roger Ebert being, reportedly, "on the mend" and the fact that he's writing again. I don't care so much when or if he returns to his TV gig, but I love to read his writing.

Johnny Cash.

Am'ee. My one regret is-well, she knows what my one regret is. And speaking of Sinfests;

Sinfest. Are any of the rest of you following that little link over to the right there, I hope I hope I hope?

Veronica getting a (nearly) full season order and more importantly, slowly but surely rebuilding the trust they lost from me as a viewer last season. Of course, he reminds himself, last year at this same time I still thought VM was one of the greatest dramas on television, so I reserve the right to recall these thanks if they blow it again.

Studio 60, its cast, directors, and oh yeah that writer guy, and the fact that it's been given a chance to grow.

As always, the ever-lovely, and much missed, Kirsty MacColl.

The Nine, the latest episode of which I've just watched and once again been impressed by. My only niggle remains: Just how long can they sustain it? Which, given that ABC doesn't seem to in as patient a mood as NBC and the CW (for perhaps obvious reasons), may not be an open question much longer.

Bones. The first thing that attracted me-surprise-was the always entertaining dialogue, but as I've been able to watch more of it this season I've found I've come to care for the characters a little bit. It's a series that's definitely grown on me and gains from coming to know the characters week in week out.

James Bond movies.

Bobby Darin (about whom you'll also be hearing more later).

Random Flickr blogging.

Columbo w/Peter Falk.

This year I had the odd experience of a couple different women apparently wanting to be, he said discretely, more to me than I wanted to be to them. I'm not exactly thankful for these experiences but it's nice to know people care.

The fact that, (to date) none of the stars of my favorite sitcoms of the '90s have had very public, very fast flameouts...okay except maybe Andy Dick, but that one's just lingering...

The songs in Xanadu. Shut up.

And oh yes, that election didn't suck, did it? Among the minor triumphs, it made me feel much better about watching 24 next year. The producers may think Bush would be Jack Bauer's bestest friend ever in the world, but the country just gave that a great big vote of no confidence. That's how I'd like to see it, anyway.

Wish the ladies luck

I mailed off three query packages to publishers today. Getting them in the mail followed three days of trying to do so and having various things go wrong. At times like I've been having these past few days, all I can think of is "Got the Time" by Joe Jackson.

(No such thing as tomorrow, only one two three go!)

Now comes the waiting. The awful waiting. Wish the ladies luck. Or better me (I probably need it more than they do. They have someone looking out for them, after all).

If you see fit to pray, that would be very nice. Or, if you're not the kind to be offended by naked self-serving: I could always point you to my Amazon.com Wish List, where you could see if you want to send me something to listen to or read while I'm waiting.

Fortunately, I'm above that sort of thing.

(It's accessible if you look over to the right there and click the View my complete profile link.)

Sense & sanity prevail

In their second-wisest project kill of the week, Fox has called a permanent halt to production on a remake of Revenge of the Nerds. Good thing, too. For the record, I think the original RotN is one of the two best teen sex comedies of the '80s-the other is Fast Times at Ridgemont High. They're two of the only ones you can watch for anything other than laughs and titty.

I know I'm not the first person to say this, and it's probably not even the first time I've said this. But I wish Hollywood would stop remaking films that don't need to be remade. Especially in the video era, when virtually every film possible is availible in a five-minute trip to the video shop.

My idea of a great remake? Ocean's 11. It took an original film that, even for Sinatra fans (which I am) isn't really that good and gave it a better director, better actors, and a better script. Hey presto!

On the other hand, I haven't heard anything for a while about that supposed remake of Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid with Matt Damon & Ben Affleck. For which I am truly thankful at this time of year.

Okay, the Michael Richards thing

I think Waveflux has got it: The man's career is over. I don't think I'm breaking the pinata there.

For me personally, this is a time I'm fortunate that "Seinfeld" means nothing to me; I've always thought it was overrated. So I'm not disturbed, as Waveflux posits (I think correctly) many are, by the question of how could loveable old Cosmo Kramer say such things?

To me it's more interesting because we don't often see a celebrity so completely flame out so fast. There are some things there's no coming back from, and I think this is one of them.

Putting aside for a moment the question of whether Richards revealed himself as a racist. I don't know.

(I do recollect reading an essay by a Puerto Rican actor (I think it may have been John Leguizamo) who related being cast in an episode of "Seinfeld." He was then replaced because he would not play the part in what he considered to be a stereotypical manner, though he was urged to by others, including Richards.)

But I'm astonished by his abuse of the stage. I think there are no rules to stand-up comedy and one of them is this: There are certain words you can't use and keep an audience with you unless you're a master, I mean, an absolute master.

One of those words is "nigger," if you're white (another is "cunt"). They're comedy killers. As I say obviously there are exceptions, but in today's comedy landscape you can count those exceptions on the finger of one hand and his name is George Carlin.

If Richards thought he was up there with Carlin, Pryor and Bruce, and that's why he said what he said, he's fucked in the head. If he was reaching for the most loaded word possible in order to hurt some fellow human beings, his go-to word was nigger.

If that's why he said what he said...he's fucked in the head.

Either way, his career is over.

I'll only care the next time I come across a showing of "UHF" with Weird Al Yankovic.

Britney Spears-that bra must hurt

Photo via the TMZ gallery, which is actually a treasure trove for those who like reading things into photographs. See the photo that Britney will one day use to explain to her children where they came from, and posing with not-at-all phallic objects.

Beware the Jabberwock, my son (Robert Altman)

You hear good and bad things about Robert Altman, dead today at 81. On the one hand, his skill with an ensemble cast ("MASH" "The Player") was justly legendary. Actors loved him, relaxed around him, and sometimes gave performances better than they ever had or would before or again for him.

In "Dr T. & the Women," for example, which was not on the whole a creatively successful film, he got a touching and memorable performance out of Tara Reid, of all people.

He was a filmmaker who, for better or for worse, deserved to have his name attached to a style of filmmaking. It's quite possible that some years from now if you say a film is "Altmanesque," people will know what you're talking about-big ensemble, overlapping dialogue, improvised in feel if not in reality, etc.

He was also, just to lighten things up a moment, one of the few Great American Directors who could get great American actresses to buy this argument: Taking off your pants is integral to your character.

(The story goes that in the phone conversation where he convinced Julianne Moore to do her infamous scene in "Short Cuts", she told him, "Bob, you get a bonus. I am a real redhead.")

I'm also a fan of "Tanner 88" his political-satire collaboration with Garry Trudeau, and I'm pleased it's currently rated second only to "MASH" in his listing at the IMDB.

And I'm one of those who thinks "O.C. and Stiggs," which seems generally thought to have been misconceived, is at least somewhat underrated. If nothing else the soundtrack by King Sunny Ade is always worth listening to, and he gets some fun and sexy performances from his cast, including a young Cynthia Nixon.

But-

He was also enamored and enraptured by The Auteur Theory, to the point where he tended to diminish the contribution of screenwriters and claim that he and the actors improvised much of his films.

This started especially after the success of "MASH," his first hit. According to people who were there at the time, most of "MASH" was in the script by Ring Lardner, Jr. But the bigger a hit it became, the less you heard Altman mention that name.

He was also publicly very negative about the TV series version of "MASH." Although in (series developer) Larry Gelbart's memoir, he records a meeting with the director in which he professed jealousy as the primary motivating factor for those comments.

Altman made the mistake, I feel, that many actors with a gift for improvisation make as well: He relied on it, trusting it to pull rabbits out of his ass when he hadn't prepared sufficient material. I loved "Popeye" as a kid and it's still a guilty pleasure today, but there's no denying it's a film that has no ending. It has a stopping place, not an ending, and that's not the same thing. Even Jules Feffier, the guy who wrote it, will tell you that.

In a way, if you wanted to make a satire of Altman's weaknesses as a filmmaker, you couldn't do better than his own "Ready To Wear." This is an indulgent movie which, dramatically, has no ending and, as a film, ends with Nude Women On Parade.

As Alice said of the Jabberwocky, it seems very pretty, but it's awfully hard to understand.

For better and for worse, such might be Altman's epithet.

"Gee, Davey, do you think it was...God?"

One of my all-time favorite "host segments" on Mystery Science Theatre 3000 was one during that fine film, Eegah! Joel and the 'bots had a little discussion as to the exact nature of Hell. You can watch it in the last two quarters-or-so of this 10-minute clip from the episode, which is recommended.



But if you don't have the inclination or the time to watch a 10-minute clip, here is a transcript of the bit. Or if you're really feeling like a lazy bum, here's the last handful of lines:

Tom: Joel, what chance do we have in a world that keeps presenting us with vivid images of Hell?
Joel: Well, there's personal liberty, strength of conviction, those have been known to work... Then there's the times the country rallies together to beat back Hell, like the time we as a nation said no to Yahoo Serious.
Crow: I remember that, all of us, together, drawn inexplicably to the slobbering mouth of Hell, and then suddenly, somehow, by some unknown force, rescued in the nick of time like Moses and the Israelites.
Tom: Now, who in creation is powerful enough to do that?
Crow (in a deep, Goliath voice): Gee, Davey, do you think it was...God?

On a completely unrelated matter, the OJ Simpson book and TV special If I Did It has been cancelled. Proving that the American public can still be sickened by the poison the fangs of Rupert Murdoch have been pumping into them for years. Well done, American public. You're having a nice few weeks.

Keep up the good work.

Oy.

Fox is considering airing "a 'Daily Show'-like program" for conservatives. Good luck to them. Conservative satire is, traditionally, much harder than it might at first appear. Mark Evanier compared it to

writing a Marx Brothers movie and trying to make Margaret Dumont the funny one.

Comedy, after all, usually involves a knee-jerk attack on the Establishment. Even today [Mark was writing in 1996], you won't get a lot of laughs mocking the underprivileged and disadvantaged

Of course, guys like Rush Limbaugh and, back in the day, Andrew Dice Clay do just that, so it may be safe to assume, as American Street does, that this is the level of humor we can expect from this undertaking.

I'm also reminded of something in the interview Playboy did with the cast & crew of "West Wing" in October 2001 (See? I told you I buy it for the articles). To quote Bradley Whitford, the actor who played Josh, the closest thing that series had to a lead (and now of "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip"):

"If we were a bunch of Republicans, the show would end with swelling music and we'd be jumping up and down and saying 'Hurrah! We have managed to unprotect the land!' 'The tax break came through for the dot-com guys!"

Besides, "a Daily Show for conservatives" suggests that the "Daily Show" itself is a lot more progressive and liberal than it really is. You know I think they hit the heights almost every night, but they don't do it by trying to move the US in one direction or another.

A study a couple of years ago found that (if memory serves), in the months leading up to the 2004 election, the "Daily Show's" shots were almost equally distributed between George Bush and John Kerry.

They do it by seeing what's funny about reality. But then of course, as Stephen Colbert famously pointed out, reality has a well-known liberal bias. Which may be more what the Fox guys want to counter.

BTW, the mooted show is reportedly to be executive produced by "24's" Joel Surnow and Manny Cota. Well, "24" is a great show, but I don't know if they'd be my go-to guys for comedy, even if Surnow can spit George Bush's dick out of his mouth.

You'd be drinking, too, if you'd had the couple of weeks he's had

Good article from the New Statesman in the UK about the recent US election. I think I agree with about 98% of it. Especially the bits about how yeah, the Democrats won, but considering what they had to work with it's amazing they didn't deliver more of an asskicking. The article suggests that indeed, the Democrats didn't win, rather, the Republicans lost.

In an aside, the writer refers to John Edwards as "right-wing," which I don't actually think he is except maybe compared to someone like Dennis Kucinich. But then, Edwards/Dean remains the ticket that, at this time, I'd most like to see in 2008. This will almost certainly change by the time that year rolls around.

Anyway, that's hardly the main thrust of the article, which seems to have been written before it had been confirmed that the Democrats had taken the house and senate. So a few paragraphs near the end become less relevant.

But the last couple of paragraphs are especially interesting. In them, the writer reports claims he sources as high-up that President Bush is drinking again. For the record, I believe it, and I've believed it for a long time.

I've said this before, but it always bears repeating. Do you really think Bush passed out...from eating a pretzel?

Gosh, I love living in this city

There is nothing like being awakened before dawn's early light by the sound of some guy banging and kicking at your door repeatedly for minutes at a time. Whining "Come on...it's cold."

You can call me a coward, but...I don't even like opening the door to unexpected strangers in the middle of the day when I'm well-rested. There was no way I was going to do it to someone doing that, when it's still so dark I can't see through the peephole. Before five o'clock in the morning when as it happens I haven't even had four hours sleep yet.

I admit it, I waited what seemed like several long minutes hoping whoever it was would go away. When he didn't, I called through the door, "Who is it?"
He replied what sounded like "Six."
I said "Who?"
"Two."
"Tell me who you are."
"Who are you?"
"I don't think you have the right apartment."
Then he said something else I don't remember and I said "Go away."

He did...as far as I can tell...and I came in here and started writing this. Why? Well, I'm hoping/assuming that in a few hours time after a better night's sleep this will seem like paranoia.

Logic would seem to suggest it was some drunken or otherwise brain-clouded friend of one of my neighbors. This apartment building is actually, technically, two facing apartment buildings so that I periodically get people knocking (in the day!) who want my apartment # in the opposite building. But that may be applying too much logic to it.

It seemed like a good idea to get down a timeline and as-immidiate-as-possible account of the weird experience. "See" you, god willing, tomorrow...

Random Flickr-Blogging: IMG_1635

As it turned out, Janet was glad the picture was out of focus, because, well...y'know.

Source.

A short rant.

You know what I don't like? Writing samples. Specifically, preparing writing samples of my work to send to potential publishers and, in the past, theater companies. I'm trying to prepare two or three packages to send out tomorrow and one of the publishers I intend to try accepts email queries or, by regular mail, 10-page writing samples.

The task of picking 10 pages out of my work that represents what it is and what I can do, is a daunting one. There are scenes and chapters that I like but to place them out of context anguishes me.

I think (fingers crossed) that a lot of whatever effect My Girlfriend's Boyfriend has depends on its build. Some strong scenes I'm afraid won't have nearly as much effect if you haven't just spent the last x number of pages getting to know the characters and situations.

So you might well ask, as I have myself, why don't I just forgo the writing sample and take the emailed query option? That way I give them the premise of what my story is about, and they-we live in hope-tell me if they think it sounds like something they'd like to read. If yes, I send them the entire manuscript.

Well, that's fine, except that I actually do think the characterizations and dialogue are the best things in it, and that is perhaps best represented by a writing sample. So you see the hell that I am in this afternoon.

Should I-
If so, then what-
Or what about-
Yeah, but then-

Argh!

In a perfect world, of course, all publishers would be able to read entire manuscripts at all times. I understand that there are practical reasons why that's not possible. Nevertheless...

Argh!

ETA: Never mind. I fixed it.

John McCain: Earning respect left and right.

Well, right.

Whoo!

Veronica Mars has gotten a "full" season order. The ironic quotation marks because the CW has for inexplicable reasons chosen to order seven more episodes rather than the traditional nine.

This means that added to the initial tentative 13-episode order this year, Veronica will have a short, 20 episode third season, unless the CW decides to pony up for the last two at a later date. Still, this is good news, and kvetching too much about it feels like looking a gift horse in the mouth.

Studio 60, Friday Night Lights, now Veronica Mars. It's a suspiciously good year for shows I like. Come on, ABC, make if a fab four with The Nine. The premiere of Daybreak, the second half of which was in its timeslot, was even more disappointing in the ratings than The Nine, admittedly, has been. And it didn't get The Nine's reviews.

Even weirder than shows I like getting full season orders, this year there's some kind of Lewis Carroll thing going on where the networks are showing more patience than the critics. I just did a little search of the TV weeklies and such online.

A couple of them are already giving up on new shows after only a few episodes because "they're not dotting the i's and crossing the t's." But then, the TV critics are required by their jobs to watch shows like Dancing with the flippin' Stars. To say nothing of the OJ Simpson Fox special that no one should watch on peril of their mortal soul.

I, having fewer hours of my TV-watching time spoken for, can afford to give shows time to grow. What's weird is that the networks seem to be doing that too.

I''ll never, ever live this down as long as I live.

You scored as The Pretty-Boi Dyke. You can be a bit cocky at times and ever the heartbreaker, but no one knows that you're really just looking for true love. The Pretty-Boi Dyke 55% The Bohemian Dyke 40% The Student Dyke 30% The Stud 25% The Quasi-Gothic Femme 25% The Femme Fatale 25% The Granola Dyke 20% The Sprightly Elfin Femme 10% The Surprise! Dyke 10% The Little-Boy Dyke 5% The Magic Earring Ken Dyke 5% The Vaginal-Reference-Making Dyke 5% The Hipster Dyke 0% What Type of Lesbian Are You? (Inspired by Curve Mag.) created with QuizFarm.com

No, I wouldn't say it was phallic

Source.

Where the right went wrong

One man's opinion from The Seattle Times, but it's an opinion I share.

The turning point, I believe, was a more emotional issue, that of Terri Schiavo, the Florida woman who brought Bush and his brother, Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, to the barricades in 2005 to back legislation keeping her on life-support over the protests of her harassed husband. Autopsies showed the woman's brain was in a "vegetative state," and the cynical appeal to religious conservatives turned off huge numbers of voters. Polling at the time showed most Americans, of both parties, rejected the Bushes' campaign to "save" Schiavo, and were disgusted at the raw partisan appeal in a tragic case

If I could hold the future in my open hand

Source

I don't know what it is about those weird blogs written in a language I don't understand but with many cool pictures

...but here's another one.

Short TV ratings news

Via Marc Berman.

My luck.

Friday Night Lights, a show I liked at first but has been losing more and more of my attention each week, has been picked up for a full season.

Meanwhile, Veronica Mars, a show I was tentative about early this year due to having been disappointed in the second season, has been giving me one "wow" episode after another.

And, after gaining some ratings points while House was on hiatus, now that it's back Veronica has slipped back into the "losers" pile in the ratings.

Irony is, I believe Veronica and House shouldn't be in competition with one another. I believe most people who like one, like me, would like the other. In a perfect world I'd like to see Veronica at eight and House at nine, maybe even on the same network.

But as I'm reminded daily, it's not a perfect world.

PS: And just to add insult to injury, more people would still rather watch The Unremarkable Adventures of the Stupid Whore & Her Daughter (formerly Gilmore Girls) than Veronica.

Did Rob Thomas desecrate a shrine in his youth or something?

That's what I like about Fox Broadcasting (re-linked)

Sometimes they air great shows like House, Bones and 24. And then sometimes they air shows where you just know, with absolute moral certainty, that every single person involved is going to hell.

Everyone. Either behind or in front of the cameras; including anybody hateful enough to watch it .

Shows like Temptation Island.

Or this.

If you did it, turn yourself in, you evil, arrogant fuck.

And to you Studio 60 viewers out there: Is it just me, or is the idea of a network president with honor starting to seem like even more of a wish-fufilment dream than Martin Sheen's President Bartlet?

Bloody hell.

You scored as Dante Alighieri. According to you most of humanity will spend at least some of their afterlife in hell. You have a high likelihood of being exiled, but anyone as bloody fucking romantic as you deserves what they get. You have an exceptional moral code, overshadowed by the fact that you yourself cannot uphold it.

Your existence bears a definite irony, although of fairly Christian morality, many pagans, satanists, communists, and intellectuals admire you and your works for all the wrong reasons.

Also, the brighest star in your sky is never going to be your lover...

It takes a lot of grief to be the cartographer of hell.

Dante Alighieri		67%
Miyamoto Musashi		50%
C.G. Jung		50%
Friedrich Nietzsche		50%
Adolf Hitler		42%
Charles Manson		42%
Sigmund Freud		42%
Jesus Christ		33%
Steven Morrissey		33%
Elvis Presley		25%
Mother Teresa		25%
Stephen Hawking		8%
Hugh Hefner		0%
O.J. Simpson		0%

What Pseudo Historical Figure Best Suits You?
created with QuizFarm.com
I suppose I should be pleased that there's a little Mother Teresa and Stephen Hawking in me and apparently I'm nothing like O.J. Simpson...

I never thought I'd say this, but he's actually keeping his eye on the ball

Justin Timberlake was spotted over the weekend at the Mondrian Hotel in West Hollywood. While picking up his black BMW from the valet, a photog asked the pop star, "Do you have anything to say about the recent divorce of Britney and Kevin?"

JT shot back, "Yeah, there's a war going on in Iraq."

For what it's worth...

...I agree with virtually every word of this Michael Kinsley essay from Time. It's about how maybe, just maybe, the people whose half-brained idea the war in Iraq was ought to have to pay a little penance.

More than just saying "Whoops. My bad."

I wish I were creative

Good article here on Jimmy Stewart, arguing that his performances had a darker edge to them than we tend to remember.

On an only semi-related note, I caught the Michael J. Fox episode of "Inside the Actors Studio" a few weeks back. Fox came off as pretty smart, as he usually does. But James Lipton hit new depths of arrogant, oily idocy.

Speaking of "Back To The Future," he asserted that it was a film in the tradition of "It's A Wonderful Life" and "The Wizard Of Oz." In which the initially-dissatisfied protaganist learns how good they have it at home by seeing what it would be like without it. About learning to accept how good things are rather than wishing for change or travel.

Well, that's patently not what "Back To The Future" is about. "Back To The Future" is about a guy who goes back in time and changes his parents so that they're cooler when he's a teenager. Does that sound like realizing and accepting how good things are to you?

Glad I got that off my chest.

Random Flickr-Blogging: IMG_6842: The Return Of Chris The Duck edition

"Men...going after little breadcrumbs is war...god help me, I do love it so."

Source



If only you could just go buy it in a store.

Source

That's the most creepy-ass thing I've ever seen in my life. Like Death decided to ditch the Grim Reaper drag and go for something with a bit more plumage.

Source

This almost, but not quite, justifies the entire existence of anime

Note: Despite the credit, the radio sketch is not By Dr. Demento, it's by the Frantics, a Canadian comedy troupe.

Easiest Joke In The World alert

Michael Jackson is planning a comeback performance at the World Music Awards in London this week. He plans on recreating the graveyard scene from his '80s video "Thriller."

--TMZ.com

Ladies and gentlemen, the above is a setup for the Easiest Joke In The World. I want to see your nominiations for a punchline in the comments thread below.

Poetry Corner

All that I have is
Silence and the world outside
And a place to hide

--Anon.

I always liked this song

R.I.P Gerald Levert 1966-2006.

Consider, if you will, this great big question...(UPDATED)

Update: As referenced semi-obliquely in my post below, when George W. Bush was re-elected in 2004 by a sliver of a margin, many Bushy republicans started bleating about how he had "a mandate."

Well, now that the silver shoe is on the other foot, it seems the definition of just what constitutes a mandate has changed, for some. Glenn Greenwald has the story. Hands up, anybody who's surprised.

Original post: How do you spell "relief?" Tom Tomorrow spells it this way, looking at this (newly) modern world...

It’s as if the biopsy results just came back and you don’t have cancer after all. You’re not giddy, exactly, but you can finally take a deep breath and maybe let some of the tension drain out of your shoulders. The future remains uncertain but you can begin to imagine it as something other than relentlessly bleak. As a general rule, I don’t have much faith in Democrats, having not fallen off any turnip trucks within recent memory, but I also think that we’re suddenly in an entirely new ball game. At the very least, I believe they will serve as a necessary bulwark against whatever residual craziness the Bushies may be harboring. They won’t be rubber stamping any plans to invade Iran this time around. And maybe they’ll even step up to the plate and hit one out of the park. They’re newly emboldened, and this is their moment.

It’s time to have grownup conversations now. It goes without saying that the Democrats will disappoint us, one way or another. So what? The test results came back, and it’s not terminal. We got a little breathing room, and isn’t that all you can really ever hope for in life?

ETA: You know what Mr. Tomorrow was saying about not having much faith in Democrats and it going without saying they would disappoint us? That was fast. Via Digby at Hullabaloo:

Some big name Democrats want to oust DNC Chairman Howard Dean, arguing that his stubborn commitment to the 50-state strategy and his stinginess with funds for House races cost the Democrats several pickup opportunities.

Yes, you read that right. With Dean as their chairman, the Democrats have just taken over the house and, defying conventional wisdom, the senate. He has helped lead them to victory. They won. I'm going to say that again. They won. It's being called a stunning blowout of a surprise. They have been unambiguously endorsed by America, they have what some might even call a mandate.

Well, clearly, Dean has to go.

You know how you can tell which one is the Democrat in the whorehouse? He's the one spread eagled on the floor, trying to say around the ball gag he stuffed in his own mouth, "Hit me again! Harder! Harder!"

Why yes, yes it is

Another one from the tree of thoughts, as always worth a good look.

CEL-e-brate good times, come on!

First, this post says the rumors regarding "Studio 60's" death are greatly exaggerated, with some quotes from producer/writer/my own personal Jesus, Aaron Sorkin:

Sorkin insisted that due to the last two weeks of ratings results "we're starting to feel optimistic around here" and reminds us that "The West Wing" also wasn't a hit in its first season. That didn't come until season two.

"But I'm much more comfortable with this feeling (of struggle)," Sorkin said. "It feels like it did when I did 'Sports Night.' 'West Wing' felt strange to me. This feels normal."

Then it gets confirmed by Yahoo! News:

"Studio 60" picked up for season.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Wednesday Morning Stepping Down, or Where is the ambiguity? It's over there, in a box.

Here's my favorite (so far)post-election blog posts...

Mahablog started watching last night, and notes that it looks like the Green Party candidate may have been what turned Democrats easily winning Virginia into the nail-biter it was last time I checked. A full takeover of the house AND SENATE, which none of the CW was excpecting, is actually within our grasp.

At 2:30 this morning, Shakespeare's Sister posted an election night wrap up in which she expressed a feeling I've got which may explain why I can't quite turn on the colored lights. I'm familiar with the Democrats work.

Shakes said,

As for the victorious Dems, I’ve got only five little words: Congratulations. Don’t let us down.

Tom points out:

A lot of us were concerned that a Democratic win would be downplayed or redefined as defeat; based on last night's (CNN & MSNBC) coverage, that didn't happen. "Stunning" and "blowout" were words I heard more than once over the course of the evening.

I noticed that too, this morning. On CNN a guy was saying he was "surprised." Oh, really. I mean, I know they live in a bubble, but I'm constantly amazed...

Tom further goes on to say

...it wasn't about the Foley scandal. We know that because Reynolds, Shimkus, Boehner, and Hastert--the people most involved, apart from Foley himself--all won re-election. This election can't be dismissed as distorted by a single scandal; this was clearly a referendum on the Republican party as a whole.

The Smart Patrol has some smart-as you would expect-suggestions for Democrats, including:

Keep your goddamn noses clean.

Grow a pair.

No, really, keep your goddamn noses clean.

The time for Republican Lite is over. You wanted to appear centrist so you could get voted in? Fine. You're voted in. Now stop with this "no amnesty" shit, get on board with stem cell research, get your voters some goddamned health care, and stop with this "well, I'm for civil unions" bullshit.

There. Lecture over. Congratulations, and don't let us down.

Are you detecting a theme?

Over at Wings For Wheels, it's (finally) morning in America again.

...there is no ambiguity about the messages that were sent throughout the House Of Representatives, the state legislatures and capitols. An unqualified rejection of everything the Bush Administration has done to the country over the last six years. What strikes me most about looking at the maps is that the Democrats did not lose any seats. Unfortunately, that meant that some good, moderate Republicans had to go, but it also showed moderation in your speeches means nothing when you vote the party line on most issues.

And in news completely unrelated to the vote yesterday, the vile Rumsfeld is stepping down.

And finally, everything at Unclaimed Territory is, as usual, worth reading. But if you're only going to read one, make it this one:

One of the most important things our country needs is a bright light to be shined on what this Government has done, and if the Bush administration really wants to resist those inquiries and claim the right not just to be above the law, but also immune from scrutiny, all the better.

As effectively as anything, that resistance will highlight exactly what they are. And the ensuing fight -- framed as the President's claimed entitlement to continue to operate in complete secrecy, with no limits or checks, just as he did for five years with a rubber-stamping Republican Congress -- is exactly the one that Democrats should aggressively seek out and engage.

I hope these are good signs. I hope they're good signs for all of us.

Yet more bad and good TV ratings news

Yesterday’s Losers (excluding repeats):
Friday Night Lights (NBC), Standoff (Fox), Veronica Mars (CW)

NBC’s struggling Friday Night Lights (4.1/ 6),... and the CW’s diluted Gilmore Girls (3.7/ 5). Comparably, Gilmore Girls on the WB on the year-ago evening was considerably more potent at a 5.3/ 8 (on Tuesday, Nov. 8, 2005).

Speaking of schadenfreude...actually, it occurs to me that there's something quite fitting in the dilution both rating and (as far as I can see) creatively of Gilmore Girls this season. The series has lost it's controlling intelligences and its lead character has lost her mind.

On the other hand, a show that I'm tentatively prepared to say is resurging creatively, Veronica Mars, is still wavering in the ratings. But there may be good news for fans, if the usually-trustworthy Marc Berman is correct:

...the CW’s still struggling Veronica Mars (2.0/ 3). To the fans wondering if the CW will give Veronica Mars a back-nine episode order, my guess is yes given the lack of upcoming new midseason programming options.

Oh, and some other things happened last night and this morning, but I'm sure I'll get to them shortly. Let's concentrate on what's really important.

Open, bare-faced Schadenfreude

Channel Island:

"30 Rock," at least in its current incarnation, has been resoundingly rejected by the audience on Wednesdays, and it's not simply ready to be pitched into the fire opposite ABC's "Grey's Anatomy" and CBS' "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation."

Consider that this week, writer-performer Tina Fey's send-up of a workplace resembling her alma mater at "Saturday Night Live" sank to its lowest rating yet in the key demo, with an awful 1.7 rating/5 share in the adults aged 18-49 demographic (4.6 million total viewers), according to figures from Nielsen Media Research. And the news for "30 Rock" is only getting worse, with the show registering demo declines in each of its four airings so far. This week's result was down 41% among young adults compared with the premiere.

Emphasis not, I repeat, not mine.

To put it in perspective, that means it's doing worse than "Veronica Mars." On the CW.

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Bring...

Also in the Nov. 16 issue of Rolling Stone (it's just a treasure trove) is a review of Gwen Stefani's newest downloadable track, dubbing it a "must have" because

It samples "The Lonely Goatherd" from The Sound of Music, complete with a yodeled intro, which sounds like something Prince Paul might have dreamt up ten years ago.

Au, contraire! As in all things, the answer is in the '80s, specifically in a certain little five-million-copy-selling European charttopper...

Just when you think Bill O'Reilly could not possibly be a bigger ass

Now, if you've been reading this blog for almost any time at all, you probably know I think Bill O'Reilly is a pretty big ass, and a liar besides. Hell, if you've been reading this blog for any time at all you probably agree.

But, I know what you're saying. You're saying, if only he'd publicly called for the physical abuse of women.

Well, guess what.

In the new Rolling Stone, there is a short piece on the aforementioned new Dixie Chicks documentary.

...in an astonishing clip from his Fox News show, Bill O'Reilly calls the band "callow, foolish women who deserve to be slapped around."

PS: The new RS also contains the full version of that Colbert/Stewart interview I excerpted a few days ago. Colbert makes my day by referencing one of my favorite Peter Cook quotes. The one about how in gaguing the effect of satire you have only to look to Berlin in the '20's and '30s. Which did so much to prevent the rise of Hitler.

For those of you who care

NBC continues to stand behind Aaron Sorkin's "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" in the wake of continuing speculation that disappointing ratings threaten to knock one of its flagship new fall shows off the air.

The latest round of rumors followed a weekend report from a Fox News Web site that said the highly promoted and expensive series faced "imminent" cancellation.

Not true, say NBC officials, who ordered three more scripts for the series last week and are expected to decide soon whether to produce more episodes for the spring.

"I'm sitting here right now with some very good television shows that I think have a lot of promise that need to be nurtured a little bit," said NBC Entertainment President Kevin Reilly in reference to "Studio 60," "30 Rock" and "Friday Night Lights." "I'm pulling for these shows."

I hope Kevin Reilly means what he says above. Seems to me I remember thinking he came off well in Bill Carter's last book. Speaking of books, I reread Grant Tinker's book recently. He was the chairman of NBC in the early-to-mid '80s who bought shows like The Cosby Show, St. Elsewhere, and Cheers.

These and others became profitable Emmy-winners for NBC that decade. And he supported those, like the latter two, that didn't produce the hoped-for ratings right out of the gate. Here's hoping Reilly's taking his cue for patience from him.

Although, last night's episode of Studio 60 had me questioning my own commitment to the show-I thought it ran out of air about halfway through. And procceded to slide downwards into a near-unintentional-satire of bad TV (the kind where they tell you everything three times).

But one bad episode does not mean I'm giving up. And it might not even have been a bad episode. It occured to me last night that maybe I'm preparing for the anticipated "pain" of a cancellation by finding fault.

"See! Maybe it really wasn't that good, after all."

PS: Although, Kevin, if you have to give one the chop, I don't think anyone's really going to miss 30 Rock...

Two more comments on tomorrow

From the closing to George Carlin's comedy special "Back In Town" (slightly edited):

"Everybody complains about politicians. Everybody says they suck. Well where do people think these politicians come from? They don't fall out of the sky. They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. They come from American parents, and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses, American universities, and they're elected by American citizens. This is the best we can do, folks. This is what we have to offer. It's what our system produces: garbage in, garbage out. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders.

...Because if it's really just the fault of these politicians, then where are all the other bright people of conscience? Where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans ready to step in to save the nation and lead the way? We don't have people like that in this country. Everybody's at the mall scratchin' his ass, pickin' his nose, takin' his credit card out of his fanny pack and buying a pair of sneakers with lights on them.

...So I know...you're going to have one of those swell elections that you like so much. You'll enjoy yourselves, it'll be a lot of fun. I'm sure as soon as the election is over your country will improve immediately.

PS for the Doctor Who fans among you: Try to imagine the above video as Simon Lebon's audition tape to replace Colin Baker. I'm serious. Look at the way he's dressed, and count how many images in the video seem reminisent of Doctor Who in the '80s.

And you know what, he would have been great. You can't tell me he wouldn't have been at least as good or better than Sylvester McCoy in his first couple of stories. And Nick Rhodes is auditioning for the part of, apparently, a Tharil.

To coin a phrase, the clothes have no emperor

Mahablog has a good roundup of commentary on George Bush and tomorrow's election.

Two responses to last night's Orson Welles parody on The Simpsons

If you missed the segment, it's above. BTW, that's the very funny voice performer Maurice LaMarche doing his Welles impression. Which sounds nothing at all like his voice for The Brain (of Pinky & the...).

But it's the end I want to talk about. As you saw, it was a jab at the republican party. I had two responses. The first was as someone who likes to flatter himself he's a pretty astute judge of TV comedy.

In that sense, I thought it was heavyhanded, not well or clearly led up to and, you should pardon the expression, out of left field. It suffered, as so much of The Simpsons has for me in the past five years, from "lets say" syndrome.

That's where you get a sense not of a story being told but a room full of jaded, creatively bankrupt and exhausted writers saying "let's say...", anything to get out of the corners into which they've painted themselves.

In this case "let's say...we take a jab at the republicans!"

However, my other response was as someone who's a Democrat (tho sometimes just barely thanks to their jelly-like consistencies). In that sense, I thought: If these ideas stick in enough people's heads for a few more days...

...it will almost be worth how random and tacked on it seems.

Random Flickr-Blogging: IMG_4884

That's the most disturbing picture I've ever seen in my whole entire life.

Credit.



I stand corrected.

Credit.



Side note to Tom: See, this is how you make Seattle look good. Speeding by.

Credit.


As the seas opened and swallowed the moon, Christopher began to suspect that perhaps he had been too quick to accept that deal on his internet and phone service.

Credit.


Part of the "put the children to work early" farms we can expect if the Republicans retain control of the senate.

(That's my political humor...people like it when you're topical)

Credit.



I stand corrected, again. What we have here is a rare photograph of Michael Myers as a baby. Note the lovely young babysitter in the background and try not to think about what happened after it was taken.

Credit.


To tell you the truth, this was going to be the third and last "I stand corrected" caption 'till I saw Tiger Lillie there standing to the left of Strawberry and Sir Mix-a-Lot. She really takes the edge off.

Credit.

Final, absolute clinching proof that I am ahead of the state of Tennessee

...by almost five months. One or two of you may remember when I posted about Bob Corker, Republican of Tennessee, who is either a cynical opportunist or a homophobe (as I said then, if you support a Constitutional amendment that would ban same-sex marriage, there just ain't a third choice.)

The "punchline" of the post was a photo from his daughter's "Facebook" page that was bouncing around the blogs at the time, in which she's seen kissing another girl. Well, guess what--just--made the commercial news in Tennessee?

Now, I know there's another way of looking at this than as evidence of Tennessee's essential back-asswardness in comparison to those of us here in the jet set. I know you could say it just goes to show how ahead of the pack the bloggers are.

Including but certainly not limited to myself and myself, hardly even most prominently. But c'mon, man...it's Tennessee. You'll have to forgive me if I choose to go along with the first option.

Cutting up with captions

Wrapping up the campaign...


Say what you will about ole' Rick "man on dog" Santorum, his wife is sexy. Kinda makes you wonder just what he's harboring if he's so terrified that gays will wreck his marriage, but...



"I'm a little rabbit! Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky!"

Pics via BagnewsNotes.

San Francisco Values, defined

And quite usefully, I might add.

The burden of responsibility is a heavy one indeed

Apparently I have to go and vote this Tuesday...do you?

"Do not touch Willy.' Good advice!"

IGN has a list of their picks for the 10 best segments of the Simpsons "Treehouse of Horror" episodes-which as they point out, haven't aired on or before Halloween in about seven years. Good list, but I think I'd replace Starship Poopers, If I Only Had A Brain and Citizen Kang with Homer^3, Nightmare On Evergreen Terrace (both ToH VI), Nightmare Cafeteria (V) or Night of the Dolphin (XI).

Just middling through*

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
The West
Boston
North Central
The Inland North
The Northeast
Philadelphia
The South
What American accent do you have? Take More Quizzes

*I'm awfully sorry. Terrible joke. I do beg your pardon.

"I have no problem making things up, because I have no credibility to lose."

Rolling Stone is publishing a joint interview with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert that they're excerpting on their web site, and I in turn am excerpting their excerpts here. It's all part of the food chain.

Ben Karlin, Stewart's thirty-five-year-old production partner who oversees both The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, says that "the biggest mistake people make is thinking that Jon and Stephen sit down before every show and say, 'OK, how are we going to change the world?' or any bullshit like that. They both really just want to get a laugh." Though the shows clearly have a liberal bent, Stewart claims that they are emotional but apolitical. He does not, however, hide his disdain for the media. At a New York Times lunch, when Stewart was asked how his show did such a good job digging up clips catching the president and other officials contradicting themselves, the comedian shot back, "A clerk and a video machine." A recent Indiana University study found that The Daily Show was just as substantive as network television news during the 2004 election. I'm not surprised that young people who watch it are well- informed. I read about ten newspapers a day and three newsmagazines a week, and I have my TV tuned to cable news all day, and I still find myself taking notes from The Daily Show.

A fake news show, "The Daily Show," spawned a fake commentator, Colbert, who makes his own fake reality defending the fake reality of a real president, and has government officials on who know the joke but are still willing to be mocked by someone fake. Your shows are like mirrors within mirrors, using a cycle of fakery to get to the truth. You've tapped into a sense in society that nothing, from reality shows to Bushworld, is real anymore. Do you guys ever get confused by your hall of mirrors?

STEWART: I didn't know we were going to have to be high to do this interview.

My head hurts sometimes watching "The Colbert Report."

COLBERT: Then we've succeeded. We want people to be in pain and confused. I make up facts left and right. Liberals will come on the show and say, "Well, conservatives want this to be a theocracy." And I'll say, "Well, why not, the Founding Fathers were all fundamentalist Christians." And they'll say, "No, they weren't." I say, "Yes, they were. And, ladies and gentlemen, if I'm wrong I will eat your encyclopedias." And the person folds, 'cause they don't realize I have no problem making things up, because I have no credibility to lose.

But wouldn't, say, a President Obama be harder to make fun of than [the Bush administration]?

STEWART: Are you kidding?

COLBERT and STEWART in unison: His dad was a goat-herder!

COLBERT: Ashcroft is a douche bag.

STEWART: I think Novak is a douche bag.

COLBERT: I'm sorry. I apologize. It's Robert Novak who's a douche bag. That's just fact. I think it's his confirmation name.

This is a recording.

The Nine remains a "clinker" in the ratings. All right, America, I'm losing my patience with you. It's bad enough that most of you are stupid, credulous fools who supported our idiot-child president's war.

Rather than listen to any of the many people who told you it was wrong, because it hurt your feelings that they were smarter than you.

But now, to add insult to injury, you're letting The Nine fall flat with a sickening thud while making Dancing With the flippin' Stars a ratings blockbuster. Add to that the fact that you've got Studio 60 on life-support and making ratings the one case Veronica Mars can't solve.

It's almost as if you heard that some big-shot television producers were going around trying to prove that Americans actually can tell Jackson Pollock from pigeon-shit. And decided to say Oh, really?

As this fella Jonathan Storm writes:

Don't come complaining to me that TV has devolved into nothing more than stupid reality shows.

You're making your bed, you can sleep in it.